Chaos & Creation

Let me sleep on it

2010-05-31T18:13:00.002+05:30

Aha!!! I return to blogging after a long time. Seems my mind went on a writer's block, few may differ on it, for them it still is..hahahaha..
On a serious note, its been really long..my words have faded down yet the lustre still remains..I maintain once again a long back broken promise - will try keeping the blog update..seriously I will..
Until then, let me sleep on it..
:-)

Writeup for and of an artist

2009-06-07T17:39:00.003+05:30

(A short writeup-cum-account-cum story that I wrote for my friend Tushar Waghela, an international artist about his latest & striking series 'The Land Series', in which on behalf of the artist I have tried to pen down into words what he has painted)

What is Art to me? Excusing myself from the lingual limitations I found the most appropriate singular word in Igbo: Chi – Personal God. Browsing through my previous, the acute adoration of Chi lands this time in my present series, undoubtedly delivering a sermon that humanity has opted not listen deliberately. The present series is based on my native land: Bastar since it falls on artist to paint what he sees. Everything is sold on a stamp paper, the currency becoming crucial than hearts, thus reminding of an age-old tale of Faust selling his soul to the Devil for diabolical favors. & the outcome – nature taking revenge-global warming, floods, earth quakes, worst – detachment of a farmer from his land where his ancestors found treasures. This series is denotation of a farmer whose isolation in desperation resulting out of his misery while his green land converts into huge masses of metal industrial structures. Nevertheless, here, I have painted the farmer out of bounds of gender & species, for when misery is in question any biological bound is insignificant. By every means I have tried to keep up the aesthetic standards in these paintings, reminding ourselves that ugliness disguises as beauty. Stamp paper on background was essential as in my land it symbolizes authority. With this vicious authority not only farmer is ripped off his land but also nature isn’t spared, ah! The lotus still blossoms yet the despotic fingers made the grounds unavailable.

Within & without, I must say that this series, before wrapping every corner of canvasses, bred inside me, respired with me, ah! What bliss, ah! What an agony.

Today, when we have started to move in the reverse direction, when we immoralists especially are trying with all our might to remove the concept of guilt and the concept of punishment from the world and to purge psychology, history, nature, the social institutions and sanctions of them, we have started an absolute opposite movement, both in ourselves & in the world, materializing even the non-matter into currency notes & coins. Let us again remember the etymology of art: love of wisdom whence reminded from Heraclitus’s doctrines of - tap anta rei – everything floats- who accustomed modern man to the idea of becoming & if everything evolves, then truth cannot remain a frigid fossil.

Yet everything floats but today the direction has become much more relevant, man is already pursuing the idea of becoming but what – creator, keeper or destroyer?

In an attempt to escape from this rampant aestheticism & recapture the binary illusion/truth, art is what now sustains the metaphysical condition which has become viable only by means of art: this being the only non-illusory condition & the idea in art rests in its ability to create new forms, newer idea thereby signaling the possibility of non-existent. But what claims to base its foundation solely on grounds of objective truth? What else the biggest deception of them all: Greed.

My vocation is to try & make art accessible because I believe that this is the way of coming in touch with the well spring of your own being, where God is…all experience of art becoming experience of God, an unconscious exercise in metaphysics.

Truth is a mobile army of metaphors, metonyms and anthropomorphisms – in short, a sum of human relations, which have been enhanced, transposed & embellished poetically & rhetorically, and which after long use seem firm, canonical & obligatory to us.

I have tried to paint this truth.

Finishing, the world around us is changing, for good? ; will always be answered by the generations to come while we will be unavailable to witness that answer; the race against time for money & worldly desires will in end take us back from where we started while I am sure that nature will take it’s own course.

The land series of mine was a simple deliverance of this message.

My Anonymous Diary Pages : A Glance On A Personal Level

2009-02-22T17:43:00.012+05:30

November 1st 2008

Mind is the biggest trickster, it plays such tricks that it puts me off to sleep within a moment. To counter the observation it has brought from its deep levels a very disturbing memory of past, to be precise something from 6 years back. I got entangled & at once lost my control, getting identified with it. It exploded, bombarded & created a gap. It was till today afternoon until I realized that I am merely judging & trying to run from it. Acceptance must be the key. The sleep was occupied with disturbing images & dreams. It was half past twelve until I woke up, feeling very exhausted in the body.

Right after lunch when I lied down again to meditate, the same thought chased me up & down, finally popping like a bubble when I faced it, embraced without any prejudice, unconditionally & completely. It was a glorious moment, while my observation rejuvenated with new energy & I was merely looking at the world outward & inward. Something was happening which led me to know that separation between mind & matter, the body & the world is an illusion. The flame burns still. The observation continues of this feel too, for there is no junction I should stop.

November 2nd 2008

The mind is filled with constant conflict & I can sense it. The embrace of the pleasant memories & the run from the sorrow continues. This creates what in real & complete sense can be called as conflict. The mind is living, breeding & functioning in this conflict. ‘What is’ is nowhere to be seen except for a few glimpses every now & then. These thoughts, pleasant or sorrowful, have determined & shaped my life till now. The narrow boundary in which my mind has functioned is trying its best to be narrower, compacter, persuasive. ‘I am fed up with my sadness & I want to observer the mind to make it completely thoughtless’ is also a thought & this is one of the biggest trick mind is playing. I, very sleepily, chase & settle with these kinds of thought while running from all the memories which have made me sad in past. This conflict must end. Either both stay or both should vacate. I have to be tremendous, I have to be awake.

November 4^th, 2008

My walks are getting beautiful everyday. As I was walking in the neon lit half empty streets, a group of children were running, shouting, playing hide & seek, a lady grumbling at her husband for not helping her pick the heavy carton of ration, a girl & a boy riding on a bike, moving silently, they seemed to be in love. Love is a dangerous thing. If not understood correctly it brings sorrow & discontentment. It needs grounds to flower deep within while expectations, desires & possession readily & instantly decay it. I was watching my mind. All the thoughts were screened. How brutal I have been, not only to myself but also to the people. I have acted on these petty thoughts & in return made my life petty.

In night, mind erupted & responded with violence. It is not prepared to go without fighting. A thought appeared – what the hell is all this I am doing. I looked. Mind with its quiver full of thoughts creates a conflict between ‘what is’ & ‘what should be’. In this vicious conflict we all exist. I slept late for there was no sleep. Mind was clear now & now I can see.

November 8th 2008

Effortlessness & awareness are synonyms. For a complete awareness there should be no efforts from one’s side. The very effort simply points that there some aim in mind that one is following. But in the fullest view of paradox, to be effortless one has put all the efforts; leaving not even a single effort should be left. I am aflamed.

Why there is so much passion to achieve something? Why everyone wants to be everyone’s ideal? Why do we want to be become like some else, to be inspired by someone, to follow & make others follow? Why don’t we remain what we are?

November 11th 2008

To say it is to spoil it. I am alert in all the movements, be it of body or of mind. The seeking without any desire for result brings extreme bliss. The desire in itself determines the hopes for future while there exists such a state in which neither one is hopeful nor hopeless for hopelessness simply means frustration coming out of incomplete hopes.

We were talking for almost half an hour on phone & he was just complaining all the time. There was nothing good going on according to him for there were no good people around. The point of conversation kept shifting from one person to another while he was acutely pointing out the anomalies. This was character reading according to him which was the outcome of hours of time he spent on self-analysis.

Isn’t self-analysis another way to conceal ourselves though beautifully? The mind which creates problems later on analyzes self & thus comes out the contradiction in behavior, thought & action. This pattern of mind must be understood not by thinking but by the very observation of thinker & thought.

(For the first time in blogging, I did something different. I post here my few diary entries for a single reason that Wittgenstein once wrote - that which can be said cannot be shown. I request readers not to take it as some kind of mystical experience for it is not. Rather it is a simple inquiry into one's own mind)

Reflections On Deeds : Living Without Images

2009-02-19T12:32:00.005+05:30

The evening sun was just few inches above the horizon, getting dimmer. The sea was calm, the waves weren't exactly roaring, instead the sound was musical. There were no cauliflower clouds but they were scattered all across the sky like a carpet leaving only the space for the sun to set in. I could see thousands of foot marks on the sand, I wonder, how old they were - days, weeks or centuries ?

He sat beside me, talking business on the mobile & after a while joined me in the gazing of sea. He was young & I have known him from couple of years. His success was seemingly surprising for the man of his age & it poured out of his face too in form of pride. He received pretty good education & was widely read.

He said,'I wanted to talk to you from a while. I have read some of your blog postings & though a bit hesitant at first of opening up myself, I thought to give it a try'.
I looked at him & he was still speaking,'I am not at peace at all. I have achieved quite a good but I can feel unthinkable unsatisfactory state which permanently leads to irritation. I know I am good but I want to be best but concurrently I want to have the mental peace too'.

Why do you want to have mental peace? Why are you making so much a problem out of it?

But I cant sleep well. I ought to have that peace.

Is it not that your constant effort of bringing deliberately the peace is causing a conflict in you ? Can you see it ?

So what should I do to get out of this conflict?

Doing anything will create another conflict, tension within & so forth. Mind is a marvelous instrument but it has to be understood. The constant comparison between 'what should be' & 'what is' creates a kind of pull in different directions & so comes unrest. Listen to this story, right here, right now, very observantly, in absolute honesty, holding no opinion for or against. This in exact sense is called - doing nothing.

But I tell you very truly I don't want to do anything on the expense of my career.

Its a complete myth that you are caught in. I am pointing towards the integration of everything within & without. Not of leaving or holding anything. Not pursuing a certain goal, any desire for some spiritual or mystical experience because that will most certainly create another conflict. I am talking about an awareness which must be totally passive, no more than listening & looking of our outward & inward instincts. I am talking about sitting & doing nothing at all.

Oh! now I got it.

He closed his eyes. The sun was long set & it was getting darker. I looked at his face. He was trying to do nothing. But again trying.

(The blog entries with labels & header 'Reflections' are picked up from my encounter of different peoples. They narrate a story that I have lived thus they are mere investigations & so does not carry a purpose of imposing any idea or convincing anyone)

Reflections On Mumbai Fiasco : The Logic Of Ostrich

2008-12-02T17:47:00.009+05:30

November 28^th 2008 5:15 PM

I am agitated today to be called as human. Mumbai is under most ferocious attack, bullets & grenades flying like saucers in all directions, people running for protection & after all this horrific drama we still call ourselves the gem of nature, the most intelligent mammal. The ethical principle - live & let live – is long forgotten & has been taken place by violence & atrocities where blood is considered no better than water. The events from November 26^th till present has made one thing sure that further blood-shed in inevitable, whilst revenge will be the mantra & bullet for bullet will be the only source of satisfaction. But shall not ‘eye for an eye’ will make the whole world blind. It may seem a cowardly writing especially in such time when rages are on fire & the demand for counter-reply can be heard everywhere. I don’t care even if this is taken cowardly & fearful in such a world where being courageous simply means being violent. I mourn for the death of innocents wherever it shall be & I condemn such violence whomever it shall be.

At the time, when I am writing this blog-entry, the terror has come to end. The militants have been gunned down by security forces; over one hundred fifty innocent civilians killed & with them died their dreams, their possibilities & most of all their hearts. They were sacrificed for religious & political ideologies.

I have been asking few since all this drama started that what the final solution of terrorism is. I am not surprised when all the replies I got ended in a big nothing. There isn’t any solution for the simple reason that the problem of terror has never been looked in its perfect & absolute form. This is a political world that we live in & all this dancing on the bloody floor is a part of package. While this is the high time for print & electronic media, blogs & other different sources of communications to investigate, condemn & post-mortem the events. In all this melodramatic thought process the ‘cause & effect’ will be lost, it has always been.

November 29th 8:45 PM

The logic of Ostrich

The ostrich maintains a simple logic – when enemy on sight, bury the head in ground – the enemy that’s not visible is no enemy at all. We often follow the Ostrich’s logic when any event of this sort occurs. Humanity is been so much classified, compartmentalized & divided that on the names of humans only identities appear. Groups & sects have replaced the absolute identical structures & any replacement of this kind has made one thing sure – the clashes between groups.

While answering to my disturbing questions ‘P’ answered that these terrorists have been so badly brainwashed that they just follow commands be it related to violence or anything. But again, aren’t we all brainwashed since centuries. We identify ourselves as Hindus, Muslims or Indians, Pakistanis, Americans & out of this identification we unconsciously make sure that the other group or sect is the enemy & as the age old rule states – everything is fair in love & war – we love the group that we belong to & physically, mentally or spiritually jump into war with another. Killings are licensed & validated for the love of a group or sect.

As the education is made easily available in this & previous century, a new breed of idealism has germinated which claims all humans to be equal & all groups, sects & religion preaching the same thing – peace within humans. They condemn such violent attacks & claim that no religion ever teaches violence. This is brainwashing & sleeping at its height. No one looks or doesn’t want to look at the other side of coin. When all religions are equal then what is the need of so many.

To be continued...

(The above blog-entry isn't meant to cross the limits of anyone's personal identity or freedom. However, I maintain that although bitter & sour, I have tried to bring into light the factual status of recent events rather then reflecting the common notion of condemnation that has been catered to us since ages. Either swallow it or spit it out the taste of truth will remain same. The house that we all live in is on fire & whether we stay in it or get out of it will depend on individual choice. Therefore, the entry investigates rather then imposing any idea. )

जग अभी जीता नही है, मैं अभी हारा नही हूँ

2008-10-23T16:59:00.007+05:30

धैर्य रखो
जानो और समझो
हो किंचित भी समय बाधित
हो ना किंतु ख़ुद से पराजित
काल ने जो कुछ चुना है
निशब्द निर्णय जो बुना है
उसे जियो
और पियो
जैसे शिव ने विष-पान किया था
कठोर को कोमल किया था
इसलिए शिव बनो
और धैर्य रखो

खोजो और सींचो
उस गुण-तत्व को
पत्तो से झड़ते अपनत्व को
संघर्ष जनेगी मेधा को फिर
आकाश बनेगा छाती तुम्हारी
प्रेम बनेगा भाषा तुम्हरी
नक्षत्र करेंगे रक्षा पग पग
राह में होंगे तारे जग मग
अपमान 'अब' का
कवच बनेगा 'तब' का
निर्माता का निर्माण हो तुम
तुम में है प्रारब्ध की छाया
बूंदे अमृत की तुम में भी हैं
इसलिए अन्धकार से डरना कैसा
अपने दीपक ख़ुद बनो
और धैर्य रखो

My hands tied while there isn't anything left to do : A prayer in silent

2008-10-20T17:22:00.004+05:30

Songs & Things : The Wrath Of A Penguin

2008-10-16T16:21:00.003+05:30

Despite my constant effort, my mind has refused to find any contentment. It is filled with fears of 'whats going to be' & sorrows of 'whats happened'. Still, I have faith, not on any god but on friendship. Friend-the word in itself denotes the savior.
It is rightly said that troubles, never believing in family planning, breeds further troubles. Yet in this time when my mind is engaged in battle within & without, I have faith. If considering faith alone & leaving it aside for a moment, I feel helpless for the first time in my life. Heretofore, the test of time has begun. In all my past life I have begged for necessities of relations & mourned for the dead but never have I felt helpless.
Strange occurrences are common in human life;truth sometimes becoming stranger than fiction, nevertheless, in all situations faith saves & faith on friendship is the noblest;even nobler than faith on Gods.

May my faith & friendship be in harmony.

Its the wrath of penguin which exemplifies the constant troubles of human mind. But eventually, however furious the penguin be, it gets what it deserves. May this law of nature be applied on humans too.

Last chorus of Oedipus - No man can be happy until he is dead.
May the existence not wait for my death, for I am no Oedipus.

The plural lives of singular species

2008-06-09T19:45:00.001+05:30

Acta Sanctorum - deeds of the saints - having been exhaled all the exclamation marks that a human can, when I learned something about second life from one of my very close friend. Second life, a new technology that will create a virtual world around us that will absorb everything that surrounds us. The world is changing, or in fact the human species are changing the world. The change is for better or worse - the question that later generation will answer. The constant effort to draw ourselves from reality to virtuality somewhat, on the contrary, draws us to much realer world.
But the question is - where in this ever-changing world humans will find themselves ?
The flesh to flesh conversation is already lost, now we chat. Does the same would be applied to human relations - think of another family in virtual world.
If imagination is allowed freedom, then all my exclamations would be appropriate.
Even if such change is inevitable, anno domini to anno regni - from the year of lord to year of reign - we will be - barba tenus sapientus - wise as far as the beard. Humans will always be humans, no matter where we live
But its still unanswered - how many among ourselves are humans ?
The disfigurement of human identities has already brought us closer to inferior species. Currency becoming the only goal of survival. From dawn to dusk the only act : self charm.
The human faces have become symbol of something lost. & that which is lost can be found, if found, the humans will attain their humanity & not godliness that has been preached since centuries.

Until then, no matter, virtual or real, humans will be humans.

2008-06-03T20:08:00.001+05:30

आंखों के मींजने से ,
झड़ने लगे हैं सपने

2008-05-30T19:53:00.002+05:30

My recent discovery - Heart cant be broken. Its a muscle & muscle gets teared or cramped but can't be broken.

Songs and Things : I Am That

2008-05-25T18:56:00.005+05:30

( songs and things is the title of posts that throws light on my daily life. Why songs and things ? because most recently I have discovered that all the things in our life can be made into songs )

I am that .... that what ? Nothing really special. Its just the best title that I thought for the fiction that I am writing.
Coming back from a week long trip I am realizing that I am lazier. Not any realization of wisdom, of course, I was lazy always.
The painting hovering on the top of this post is Tushar Waghela's. Of all the worthless things that he keeps doing in his life, he is a remarkable artist and following his instincts of doing worthless things he has got a new job these days - of forcing me to write a fiction. Anyway, I was already writing short stories but I have started working on the fiction too.
Talking about life, I am doing nothing really other than watching a TV series late night and getting up likewise in the morning, though its never a morning when I get up, its already noon.

Life is good.

Coming back, for writing this fiction I gave up something. Book reading. Very obviously, I cannot read and write at the same time. Last couple of months, I, very generously, read a lot of books. Toni Morrison, Dorris Lessing, Jhumpa Lahiri, Siddharth Sanghvi, Salman Rushdie, Ronald Laing, Csíkszentmihályi (sorry, copy-pasted, cant even pronounce the name) lingered by the side of my bed these past few days.

Life is really good.

2008-05-20T13:36:00.002+05:30

मेरा अहम्

पत्थर जैसा ठोस

मेरा प्रेम

जैसे बहता पानी

लेकिन मैंने सुना भी है और देखा भी

कि पानी में पत्थर घुल जाता है

शायद......

2008-05-06T19:47:00.002+05:30

कुछ मैं

कुछ तुम

कुछ ना कुछ

जब भवो पे बैठी हुई नीद

आंखो का रास्ता भूल जाती है

तब कुछ ना कुछ याद आता है

शायद

बहुत कुछ !

Discovering India

2008-04-22T17:54:00.004+05:30

While Mr. Rahul Gandhi shares his name with Gautam Buddha's son, here ends all the similarities. For some, being born in the most illustrious family of this country, he is a lucky man. In actual, his life, never his own - belonging to nation, is full of challenges, the biggest of-course is of setting an example. Aware of this fact, he starts Discovring India. Discovering India, whose grounds has been made fertile by his family's sweat & blood.

Just a couple of days before, when his arrival in my tiny state of Chhattisgarh is all set, I am sleepless, for I know that there is a little chance that he will ever see what he must. The tribal region that he is going to visit will be flooded with banners & posters of his own & the real India that he is discovering will be hidden behind them. Yet his itinerary still unknown shows his own desire to unveil the real faces of people who comprise India. He is aware of this fact.

The tribal region that he will visit is one of the most beautiful places in India, yet the survival of natives there is no less than a miracle. For more than two thousand years they have lived in an environment of untouchability, being deprived of even necessary human requirements. They are shudras according to laws of Manu. & today when India glides high into twenty first century they find themselves struck between naxalites & salwa judum (govt. sponsored anti-naxalite campaign). Either side is determined to spill their blood in revenge. For two thousand years they were not allowed into society & now they are not allowed in civilized world.
While Rahul ji will move through them, there will be hope in their eyes. Hope that they always had from his family. Yet with mouth they will not speak but will speak through their eyes. A conversation between them & a man who comes from a family whose members have paid the price with their life for this country. I am hopeful as they are, for I know that all our kismet are linked with him.

In particularly moving passages of Nehru ji's will in which he asks for his ashes to be thrown away from the sky so that his soul remains in the soil of this nation, I found his love for not only this nation but for whole humanity. Years & years after, while his great grandson discovers India, I, for an unknowable reason find satisfaction.
His legacy is safe.

p s :-
Following the anonymous commenter, while hunting for the noesis of relative terminology of shudras, I found that tribals are basically not shudras. But I must make clear that hindu mythology is absolutely silent about the classification of tribals, though they have been very abstractly put in the second varna - kshatriya, they are treated no less then a shudra.
On the whole, I correct myself with thanks to the anonymous commenter.

water color on paper

2008-04-15T19:01:00.000+05:30

Songs & Things

2008-04-09T19:10:00.007+05:30

Of all my twenty seven years of days & night - I felt another person living within me who most solemnly feeds with me, hears with me, sees with me. Some people call it conscience. Thus not for the sake of absurd humanity but for mine, I kicked him out a few days back. Using the pronoun 'him' makes it sound that my conscience was of male gender, if it was female I wouldn't have shown him the way out.
On the better note, I regained my senses while re-watching 'Annie Hall', Woody Allen discoursing Diane Keaton - 'Life is either miserable or horrible, & you should be thankful that you have a miserable life.' My friend Saurav Shukla glitters in my mind whenever I ask myself which came first - music or misery ? Why him. I haven't seen anyone else in such love with music other than him, he would definitely disagree with my conjoining music with misery. I should ask him this question some time.
On the serious note, I have lost three kgs. Yeah right, I am working out a lot ( I never understood why people don't say 'working in' ). & just putting this news on serious note does not necessarily means that I am not going to loose more. The more the better. On the least I wont be needing a new wardrobe of larger waistline.
On the worrying note, I saw a documentary on global warming last night which enlightened me with the fact that human species will extinct within a century.
On the relaxing note, none of us are going to survive that long, so we need not to worry. Atleast, I don't give a damn. Our ancestors left us nothing but a history of violence & rape of humanity thus the same will be passed on to our predecessors.
On a delightful note, I was winked a week ago by a very pretty girl in swimming pool.
& on a very sad note, since then she pretends as if I doesn't exist. I think she was winking someone else & I just happened to be in the middle of this heavenly phenomenon.
God has really deserted me. Is it vice-versa ?

2008-03-28T20:16:00.001+05:30

Self portrait : charcoal on paper...cant say but I look sad...I burnt it later on.
light the candle & the darkness will vanish

2008-03-25T19:41:00.005+05:30

These crazy color makers make such color that it doesn't washes off easily. Just this evening, with left over colors, I jumped into my club's swimming pool. Posthumous discovery - water is now a little red.
It was so abso-f**k**g-lutely awesome. At least now all the colors on me is washed.
Holi is over.

On The Festival Of Colors : The Song Of Holi

2008-03-20T19:45:00.004+05:30

तन्तु - प्रेरित गात्र हैं हम,

एक पुतले मात्र हैं हम,

इस जगत की नाटिका के -

क्षणिक भंगुर पात्र हैं हम,

इसलिए हर भूमिका में,

रंग भरे हम भूमिजा मे,

बन सके निरपेक्ष,

तो फिर ,

क्या दुआ क्या बद्दुआ है,

लग रहे हैं समय-बाधित,

आप अपने से पराजित,

चलो आज तम तो भगाएं,

रंगों का धुआं उडाये,

चलो आज होली मनाएं

The darkest corner of soul

2008-03-15T19:41:00.003+05:30

It was exactly when the thoughts started to bleed & the emotions started to melt, evaporating an uncanny pungent smoke of barbarism - a seven year old boy somewhere near Delhi was burned alive a few days back by some savages. The reason stated behind so far is that boy was asking them to compensate for his cycle that got broken by their car.

If the human life is this cheap, not even worthy enough of the cost of bicycle then the breed of homo sapiens haven't achieved anything in the due course of its two million years evolution. Violence is being enjoyed. The media using it as mantra these days plying the viewers with a eight foot tall Indian man who is wresting in the land of uncle Sam; I am told his name is Khali & he is adding into the nation's prestige.
Paraphrasing in Thoreau's word - 'truth rather than fame & money', it uncovers the veil that humans of this century wears of being civilized. Nevertheless, the definition of civilization is changed, where the cravings of violence is quenched by not only in practice but also in viewing. The rumble is as much enjoyed in witnessing as in acting.
We are descendants of animals & we always are an animal.

On Women's Day

2008-03-09T19:48:00.010+05:30

"Your wives are as a soil to be cultivated unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will"
(Kuran 2:228)
Ibn Ma`sud reported from the Messenger of Allah who said, "A woman is like a private part (sex organ). When she goes out (walking) the devil casts a glance at her (in lust)."
(Al Hadis, Vol 2, p. 692)

"They [women and Sudras] are debarred ... from being competent students of the Veda" (Taittriya Yajur Veda, quoted in Muir III,p.66)
In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, when her lord is dead to her sons; a woman must never be independent".
(Laws of Manu, V, 147-8).

Adam's role over Eve: "...thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Genesis 3:16)
"And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do." A father could sell his daughter as a slave. Even though a male slave is automatically given his freedom after 6 years, a female slave remained a slave forever.
(Exodus 21:7)

taunt of Mara to the Theri Soma that no woman could reach "the high ground of the wise" because she has only the "two-finger knowledge (dvangulapaññâ)", an allusion to cooking where the consistency of the cooked rice is tested by pressing it between the fingers.
(Sutta Pitaka)

Digambaras Jains believe that women are inherently himsic (which is best translated as harmful). This comes partly from a belief that menstrual blood kills micro-organisms living in the female body.The killing of the micro-organisms is said to show that a female body is less non-violent

The Marxist theory of no government lacks some basic provisions for the protection of women's rights, for example, without courts of law to enforce divorce property settlements women would have no legal recourse.

Women try hard to appear superficial & thoughtless. The most refined stimulate a kind of impertinence.
( Friedrich Nietzsche )

It is clear, then, that the female's role in birth is the material one, that this is to found in the menstrual emission and that the menstrual emission is an excretion.
(Aristotle, The Generation Of Animals, 727b31-34)

"You know, China is a very poor country," Mao said. "We don't have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands."
( As said by Chairman Mao Zedong amid a trade discussion in 1973 with US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger ; document released by State Department's historian office)

The woman had to be made inferior so that man could feel at ease, so that his ego could feel that now there is no competition with women at all. Man has been torturing her for thousands of years. No society in the world has accepted her as equal to man. No culture of the past has given the woman the same respect as it gives to the man. On the contrary, they have all tried to force her into a subhuman existence. And the reason why the woman did not revolt against such things is simple: again, the same motherhood.

“The woman should be given her rights to grow in her own uniqueness, and that will enhance the whole society. It will enhance man too because man begins his life in the woman's womb.”

(Osho, The Book of Secrets)

May the women breaks free of all bondages, theories, dogmas & political ideologies & attain the blissfulness of her womanhood.

2008-03-02T12:02:00.004+05:30

Talking about blog, the much converesed subject since Aamir Khan himself started in this business & getting over three thousand comment on his every post. For a celebrity like him the number of comments does not matter. There are few blogs around which needs mention in my this post.
One blog that I am great fan of is that of Amit Aishwarya Jogi's which intelligently bears a title of 1/2 freedoms. His writings has capacity to shape up a book. Genuinely genius. Another, Tushar Waghela who converting his professional faith has changed his blog to one which contains all his work, he is an artist. Dr. Saibel Farishta has been persuaded back by me to blogging space after his early retirement from orkut & blog. Fortunately, he has renounced his retirement & is back in both.

One Ms. Dolly from Delhi owns a beautiful blog in which she pens down her poem. Ms Ujala from Pune has scribbled down something in her newly formed blog. More awaits.
But one blog is invisible these days. Ms Rainy Chawla had all the content to to write one of the best blogs around. Sad that she doesn't wants to write. But I can see that she started to move her pen & even started to paint, her blog showing the latest entries. & as the Latin phrase puts - cetera desunt - the rest are missing.

2008-02-21T13:23:00.005+05:30

I cant sleep these days. The whole night passes by watching the ceiling. No trace of sleep & lot of thinking. Sometimes I see the morning light trying to pierce into my room from the dark paned window before going to sleep. I feel that I am becoming over ambitious these days. Just dreaming with my eyes open of what I want to be. Its enough to vacate any trace of sleep from my eye-lids. I feel that Alfred Adler's complex theorem (superiority & inferiority) has taken over me.
The most precious thing that I lost in growing up is sleep. I cant even remember how I slept when I was few months old ; nobody does. It seems to be a forbidden story. Something that went past ages ago.
I should be living what I am right now instead of thinking of what I am going to be.

2008-02-13T20:09:00.002+05:30

'I should be writing a book'- this thought lingered my mind from couple of years. I decide to make it happen now. Yes, I have started writing a book, a collection of short stories. Until then, I have decided not to read any more books, not for the risk of influence as I have never been influenced by any book or person. Just basically for, that either I read or I write.
The time seems to have come for a book to take shape. The title is yet undecided.

2008-02-12T19:27:00.000+05:30

May the light of heaven,
Always fall on your head,
May you be true,
Being righteous instead,
May you seek the joy of joys,
& be deaf to whoever annoys,
May you be what you are to be,
Like the Moon shining on the sea,
May you never walk,
On the others chalk,
For it is always humane
To create one’s own way,
& never be afraid,
for the price to pay,

May when you when you see a flower,
May when you feel the first monsoon shower,
May when you see the sky with stars,
May when you see the full moon,
& the sunlit afternoon,
May when smell the morning breeze,
& the infant sun draws you to a geez,
May when your eyes meet the roses,
& the skyline where this earth closes,
May when you lie on grass,
May when you see the evening sky like brass,

You become one with them all,
& may you always smile,
& never be unplayful,
May you can dance & jump like an elf

May for the whole life,
You can celebrate yourself

इनसे बनता है मेरा भारत

2008-02-12T11:42:00.001+05:30

Bye Bye Humpty Dumpty

2008-01-27T13:22:00.000+05:30

Hi blog,

Fare you well 2007, the year really deserved it. It was a topsy turvy ride all year round producing mixed results for me. On the better side I started my steel mill, after a long wait of fifteen months. On the worse side I have added a lot of weight. Sad.
But when everything has calmed down I decide now to put off this unwanted fat. On the question of weight gain I must add that i was huge of nearly ninety kg some six years back. Fortunately I came to my senses & reduced it down to sixty seven kg taking almost one & half years. My inspiration being the fruits of young age that I dearly wanted to enjoy. Dear blog, I hope you understand what I mean...lol.
In present day status I am seventy six kg, much of which is the result of my laziness. Anyway, have got to get down to sixty six , a steep decline of ten kg. How is this possible you ask my dear blog. I will tell you how.

There are few golden rules that I followed while reducing my weight a few years back. Dear blog, just take notice.

.The first & foremost rule is dieting. No weight loss can be achieved without proper dieting & when I say dieting my dear blog it does not mean that one has to starve. No, not at all. Its a myth that if one will eat less one will loose weight. On the contrary, if one is eating less the human body following its primitive tendency (don't forget that our ancestors lived in jungles & caves & were dependent upon hunting for food. So, the human body possesses those genes that deliberately store the fat, just in case the hunting expedition wasn't successful for two-three days) stores the fat instead of utilizing the food in form of energy. Dont get surprised my dear blog, its not how much you eat but its what you eat. So, the first rule is eating six meals a day or eating after every three hours & to avoid the fat three portions out of these six should & only should be fruits. The rest three are breakfast, lunch & dinner. Easy. In this way the dieter cant be vitamin deprived. Thanks to fruits.

.The second thumb rule is not to stuff oneself while eating breakfast, lunch or dinner. I have found that Indian meal plan is full of fats & carbohydrates & if one takes no notice of what to eat its very easy to become obese. So, one should either eat only chappati or rice. Never a combination of both. Its really suicidal when my dear blog one is trying to loose weight.

.Thirdly one should always try to eat dinner as early as possible. This makes stomach empty by the time one sleeps & calorie is burned while sleeping also. Thats a real fact.

. Now comes exercise. There is a myth that if one works hard in gym or cardio machine then one will loose weight. Mind it my dear blog, exercise only speeds up the metabolism but dieting is the only thing that makes us lean & thin. But exercise cant be ignored as it shapes up the body. I work on three day split training. It means three days cardio (jogging, cycling, swimming) & the rest three days muscular exercises. I do this in alternate way mixing up both. But this is not necessary for everyone. A five day cardio training is enough for a healthy weight loss.
But the duration of exercise should never ever exceed thirty minutes because after that body starts burning the valuable protein for energy resulting in muscle loss. Yes my dear blog thats why the marathon runners are so skinny. I have found that interval training system is best for cardio exercises. It really boosts the metabolism for twenty four hrs. Yes thats true.
This is a sample interval training plan for tread mill users & can be used by anyone.

5 min warm up at the speed of 4 km/hr
2 min light jog at the speed of 6 km/hr
1 min running at the speed of 8 km/hr
now this 2 min & 1 min completes a cycle. This cycle should be repeated for at least seven times that means 21 minutes of sweat breaking workout.
After this 4 min of cool down at the speed of 4 km/hr

Total time 30 min . Yippee !

Dear blog this training system has helped me burn more calories than running continuously of 45 minutes. The reason is simple, it keeps that heart rate (no of times a heart beats in a minute) to 50-60% of its efficiency. The range which burns fats. The higher range burns protein. One can calculate one's heart rate by this formula 220-your age. This is the highest number of times a heart can beat. In my case my heart rate is 220-27 = 190. So my target heart rate should be 50-60% of it & that is 97 - 117. Simple.

Another thing, I try taking a lot of protein in my diet. The most abundant source is egg white while the yolk I always throw because its all fat. I also take fat free protein drink right after my workout, the time when the body needs its most. The reason behind more protein intake is that our muscle are all made of protein & more muscle one have more calorie one will burn.

Most important I drink at least 10 glasses of water.

So, this is all the secret behind a healthy fat loss, my dear blog. I hope to see my self 10 kg lighter in next few months. Until then, I fast to feast.

The Nano Effect & The Rice Defect

2008-01-17T18:27:00.001+05:30

The year 2008 enters with strong buzz in its first month with Tata's world's cheapest car 'Nano', which unwillingly created a race for its viewers during the Delhi Car Expo, resulting in lathi charge by police. The dream car with a price tag of Rs 1 lakh seems to have fulfilled the Indian dream (much similar to that American dream) to have owned a car by each middle class family. Thus, India enters into new era, the era of Nano.
Also, the tiny of state of Chattisgarh comes into light of sight with the Govt's politically ambitious announcement of offering rice to its poor people at the cost of Rs 3 per kg. The inauguration was done in style, attended by many VIPs, & road blocks. Thanks to the Govt for two reasons - to bringing into attention to Delhites of this tiny state & moreover for the remembrance of its poor people albeit after four years. The state assembly election standing at the corner of this year explains all the ethics behind this. Whats never been mentioned in this program was the question 'why not four years earlier'. Retrospectively glanced, the much debated anti naxal 'Salwa Judum' movement was also initiated in the same style by the same Govt. some three years back. The consequence was the amount of innocent deaths in three years surpassing the figures of last twenty years.
Putting into Putin's bifurcation of weak & strong Govt, it seems an obvious inquiry that is this Govt really able to handle such programs which eventually leads the people of state into more chaos.
Corrupted to its roots, the state public distribution system will be responsible for the distribution of Rs 3 per kg rice to its rightful but I suppose this is not going to happen even if we have lived in the age of Ramayana. The ration shops are the center of black marketing, sparing not even the kerosene oil (although they undergo some chemical process of changing the oil color from blue to white) & the sugar which yields much profit in the open market. Within the hands of these ration shops, the rice is gold at the price of Rs 3 per kg, paving way for black marketeers to earn profit in millions while the people for whom rice is meant will have to wait in just another queue. Their disappointment will be added in tonnes.

The gap between Rs 1 lakh & Rs 3 is mathematically great but it isn't when comes to common human desires. Nano means dream come true while Rice at Rs 3 per kg means hunger quenched. Driven by these meager desires, the humanity have been promised of platonic life from ages, unfortunately every such promise has lead (not only French) it to guillotine.
& on the subject of dignity I must add that if & only if the rice 'to be sold' is available only for this year whence the new Govt takes charge next year, one must think before-hand instead of voting for any Govt who acts only in its final year.

World's greatest singer : Watch it till end !!!

2008-01-10T13:07:00.000+05:30

a mari usque ad mare

2008-01-10T12:30:00.000+05:30

Just as such, this blog no more caters my paintings (a recently adopted métier of mine) , much of the past space has been occupied by writings. As the Latin phrase puts a mari usque ad mare : from sea to sea , I turn my paintings to another newly formed blog. & thus the justification has been done since I find an abyss between both medium ; the paintings & the writings. Both reach out in their own way so best both should be tamed differently. I beg the readers to suggest me the title of this blog, although at present it bears a blur title, the best I could think of Canvas & Colors.
In future I request the readers to log on to this blog for my paintings.

http://www.tonitiwari.blogspot.com/

Oil On Canvas : Self-Portrait

2008-01-02T19:21:00.000+05:30

Oil pastels on canvas

2007-12-28T20:41:00.000+05:30

Oil On Canvas

2007-12-24T19:20:00.000+05:30

(24"x30")

(24"x30")

Acrylic On Canvas

2007-12-20T17:58:00.000+05:30

My first attempt on canvas with acrylic colors

When the Stars fall down on the Earth & the Moon sleeps : the sleeping baby & the singing mother

2007-12-19T19:16:00.000+05:30

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang : Snowy Soul

2007-12-11T10:01:00.000+05:30

Approximately after ten years I return to Himalayan hills, en-route to queen of hills Shimla, in the midst of chilling night, partly warmed with car-heater, indulging in conversation with driver to feed my boredom which started with about his whereabouts & ending in world politics. Ten years-a long period for a change, yet the Himalayas, from where I left it-Ranikhet in Kumaon hills in Uttranchal to Shimla on the other side of this mighty range, remains unchanged. Whilst looking for the change in the shadows of hills in the dark night I inquired into myself; I also remain unchanged. My flight from teenage to late twenties may have hiked my body through several alterations but still something inside remains untouched. "Should I take some anti-vomit pills ?" was the thought that frequented my mind whenever I used to enter the turning roads hills. I observed that thought coming again.
There is some connection between mighty Himalayas & my soul, just a glimpse of them makes me feel so inferior. The tireless false ego somehow starts to vanish, letting me to fall into depth created by these giant mountains.

Writing this, I sit in my hotel room, the snow fall visible from window. Snow god welcomed me by throwing small cotton balls like snow into my world, making me struck into struggle between body & heart. My heart wants to leap on the snow & play with it while my body encountering this idea. In anyway, I know that my heart will win eventually as I myself stand on its side, I always have.

For me at least, always, nature has evoked something in me that even I never figured out. Sartre with all his wit, shouting inside me - other is hell, & then getting disappeared with rest of thoughts. Coming in close proximity with nature has made me lonelier, & most important much calmer.
I, with mighty Himalayas & cotton like snow, feel much more like a human instead of gods, closest to my basic nature. These hills speak, trying to touch me with their pine tree like hands & squeezing me to the utmost state of being where neither happiness nor sadness exists. I take back my'self' from here instead of memories, learnt the art of drinking Zen tea.
The only word that I can give to this wild eruption is 'love'.

2007-12-06T20:07:00.000+05:30

Sketcher's sketch : - Tushar Waghela captured in charcoal & color on paper.

2007-10-17T20:03:00.000+05:30

नंगे पाँव मत चला करो आसमान में
कहीँ तारे ना चुभ जाएँ पाँव में

मिट्टी के दीये

2007-10-12T18:43:00.000+05:30

कल शाम एक मित्र की डायरी में लिखे कुछ शब्दों को पढ़कर कि धर्म वैयक्तिक होता है, ना इससे कम ना इससे ज्यादा, एक कहानी याद आ गयी। कहानी शायद काफी पुरानी है - एक समुद्र का किनारा इस बात के लिए प्रसिद्ध था कि वहाँ बैठने वालो को समुद्र के अन्दर से घंटियों की आवाज सुनाई पड़ती है। शायद किसी समय में कोई भव्य मंदिर रहा हो जो समय के साथ विलीन हो गया हो और लहरों के टकराने से उस मंदिर की घंटियाँ बजती हो। एक दीवाना अपनी मौज में रोज उन घंटियों को सुनने आता था। लेकीन सिवाय लहरों की गर्जन के उसे कुछ सुनाई नही पड़ता था। फिर भी उसने संकल्प ले रखा था की उन घंटियों की आवाज सुनने का। एक दिन अचानक वो दीवाना जोर जोर से चीखने लगा की सुन ली मैंने घंटियों की आवाज। लोगो ने जब पूछा तो उसने कहा कि ये आवाजें समुद्र से नही मेरे अंतस से आती हैं, मैंने सुना है उन्हें । लोगो ने समझा कि बेचारा पागल हो गया लेकीन वो तो आल्हाद से भरा हुआ नाचने लगा। मैंने सुना है की आज भी वो यही बात कहता है।

आज नवरात्रि का पहला दिन है। नौ दिनों तक सारे देश में देवी की पूजा होगी।
मार्क्स का ये कथन कि धर्म अफीम का नशा है, आंशिक रुप से सत्य है। नौ दिनों तक लोग उपवास करेंगे ताकि देवी प्रस्सन होकर उन्हें मुँह माँगा वर दे। अधिकांश ने धन माँगा होगा। इस देश से ज्यादा भौतिक देश दुनिया में शायद ही कोई दूसरा हो। हम तो सीधे - सीधे लक्ष्मी को ही पूजते हैं।

मैं कभी कभी सोचता हूँ कि यदि हम अमर हो जाये तो क्या धर्म बचेगा। रसेल की धर्म का मूल आधार भय है। मेरे देखे से ये बात भी आंशिक रुप से ही सही है। संगठित धर्म का मूल आधार तो भय ही है। वैयक्तिक का प्रेम। इन दिनों धार्मिक चैनलों की बाढ़ आयी हुई है। धर्म गुरुओं को २४ घंटे ब्रह्म चर्चा में लीं देखा जा सकता है। सब इश्वर को खोजने का रास्ता बताते हैं। इस बात पर एक और कहानी याद आ गयी - जेन फकीर रिन्झाई के पास आ कर एक व्यक्ति ने पूछा की इश्वर को कहॉ खोजू। रिन्झाई भी अपने में एक विरला था। पास अपने डंडा रखता और मूर्खों के सर पर चला देता। लेकीन ख्याति उसकी बहुत थी। शायद इसी के चलते ये व्यक्ति भी रिन्झाई के पास आया था। उसका प्रश्न सुनकर रिन्झाई ने अपना डंडा उसके सर पे दे मारा और कहा -'जहाँ गुमा कर आया है वहीँ जा कर खोज'।

ईश्वर को खोजने से पहले उसे गुमाना भी तो जरुरी है।
कुछ दिनों पहले मेरे पुराने परिचित एक बालक से मिलना हुआ। उनकी उम्र कोई साठ वर्ष है लेकीन हैं वो बच्चे ही । उन्हें ब्रह्मचर्चा का बड़ा शौक है। उनकी हवाई बातें सुनने के लालच में मैं उनके घर आया जाया करता था। मिलते ही उन्होने कहा की कल भगवान् शिव मेरे सपनो में आया थे और कहा कि तुम्हे सात दिनों के अन्दर ब्रह्म ज्ञान हो जाएगा। मैंने उन्हें बधाई दीं, और मैं दे भी क्या सकता था।

2007-10-01T18:07:00.000+05:30

Running short of friends in the real world, so in the virtual one I logged on to this another social networking web-site Facebook. Unlike its predecessor Orkut, atleast this one isn't crowded with phony characters.

2007-09-30T13:22:00.000+05:30

Thanks to AJ for guiding me to change the look of this blog.
& thanks to Tushar for not suggesting me at all. :)

Untitled

2007-09-20T19:45:00.000+05:30

It comes uninvited in every blogger's life when there are a real shortage of new entries. The question "what to write ?" pops up in some corner of mind & is fed by different absurd ideas; "ok, I should write about this or that". The blog during this phase is famished in the scarcity of new entries & just to keep it alive the blogger forcefully has to put some thing new, I just saw a Chennai girl's blog in which she has mentioned about her successful effort of making Paav Bhaaji. Well, for any human living in so south of India, a northern paav bhaaji making expedition deserves a place in blog. The problem is I cant write all this because I haven't even tried making Dosa yet in past few days. Having kicked out of kitchen a few times by my mom has forced me to accept that I cant cook even though I know how to make Maggi & tea, my only two cooking achievement. Coming back, the blogger falls into such scarce entry state which makes them repeatedly seeing their own entries & counting the number of visitors ( who also may have seen them ) or changing the color of blog. Some even take a vacation from this blogging business. But for the most dangerous part, there is always a fear of blogger becoming a poet during such state. For those the easy answer is : Cant write anything, write poems. & then starts the battle of intelligentsia. Such bloggers whenever meeting fellows always ask : 'hey! have you read my new poem? Really, I don't believe that I have written it. Have you also read the comments ? ( I just don't understand who comments for such things, well, the fools have majority everywhere ).

If you still didn't understood I am also in one of those phases: scarcity of new entries. Not to blame myself but where will I find so many things to write upon, after all my brain weighs only 1.4 kgs ( universal information source : Google ). I think that I should write Indian history once again in my own way & when I am writing it in my blog, my presence in every important turn in the history of India becomes quite understood.
Once and for all, please dont blame me if I too start writing poems।

My Photo Travelogue : Istanbul & Scotland

2007-08-28T22:20:00.000+05:30

My trans-continental travel ends in here in London, where I am at leisure, having access to internet. So, I post some of my photos of Istanbul & Isle Of Skye, Scotland. The one week long journey so far stretches me to many fragments of my being, I fell in love with Istanbul while Scotland mesmerized me.

(Isle Of Skye, Scotland)

(Istanbul, Turkey)

I will update my blog with my travel diary and experience when I come back to India. Until then, adieu.

My Recent Works

2007-08-16T19:22:00.000+05:30

Notes To Myself : A Tale, A Pain, A Death

2007-08-11T19:32:00.000+05:30

"When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth, but find it in the hearts of men."

- (As reads the epitaph of Jalal-ud-din Muhammed Rumi)

Alas!
You have shattered
The beautiful world
With the brazen fist;
It falls, it is scattered.

-(Goethe's Faust, lines 1607-11)

On the thirteenth day of her demise, when thirteen brahmins ate the sacred meal, I finally gathered the strength to write at least that which can be called her obituary. My paternal aunt (bua) passed away on the day of 31st July, leaving a never-ending pain on my soul which I know time can never heal.

Being the resident of same town, a close relationship germinated between me & her. I can still recall my early childhood which used to pass within the warm walls of her home. In fact, it was she who gave me the identification : my first name - Amit. Later, I was to ask her, while the question really bothered me during my early teen-age, meaning of my name. I remember, she told,' It means limit-less, so you are going to be.' This was the only lie that I knew she told me. I am not limit-less, never even going to be. I believe it was a lie to quench a boy's curiosity. Being born on the ominous date of 13th & growing up watching horror movies like 'Friday The 13th', I always felt that fate has parted ways with the boy who is born on such inauspicious date. But there was she, who not only filtered my infant mind of such vague ideas but also in some way taught me never to trust the numerological & astrological absurdities. Though she never felt herself that this was the beginning of my atheism which later was to grow into agnosticism, thanks to the numerous dead spirits. She laughed when a teen-age boy, born on 13th, refused to attend any pooja activites during diwali. Her laugh was a consent, for instead of preventing my own cultivation of ideologies, she stood against the whole family to spare me & let me do what I want.

Ironically, I became the center of her motherly love, for her only son was born mentally retarded. This mishap, I feel, forced her to grow me in the way what she preferred or else what I preferred. While my mother was preparing for my sister's birth, she brought me with herself to her home until the delivery. This temporary stay was to last for two years. The only mother I knew until then was she. My naughtiness reached to its fullest in her home, pulling her hairs with all the strength I got while reciting the poem which my uncle taught me. My uncle during all this act used to laugh merrily, for I was doing what he always wanted to do. Throwing the neighbor's two year old child in drain, I faintly remember, was my favorite.

Twenty five years later I was to witness her grasping for every breath in the dark corner of Intensive Care Unit of hospital.

Putting in the words of Nietzsche - the idyllic tendency of the opera, she became my confidant, hearing all the stories of my girl friends. Turning the tide she always would,' why are you fooling them ?'. & I would laugh on her innocent remark. I was to discover later in the words of Carl Jung - mater spiritualis, which gradually and innocently she became for me, efforting to prevent her son to commit any sin, which I never did.

Though I never live to eat but I must say that she was the best cook I ever knew. I used to arrive at her place without even informing her exactly at the time of lunch. I remember her getting angry, of my coming without any prior notice, though I had taught her how to use a mobile phone. But I knew she used to love my home coming, informed or uninformed. On the thirteenth day when I ate what others called the sacred meal, I knew, it was the last meal I was treating at her place. With every bite, I ate the solitude created by her absence. Au contraire, it increased. Stealing the glance of everyone I conflated my lone tear with her unseeable presence.
She suffered from severe arthritis which followed her like a ghost for six years. Having sought to the refuge of every specialist doctors in this case with her, I never managed to get her rid from this painful physical state. Some twenty days ago, she barely survived a major cardiac arrest which led her to begin a journey which was to end in death. Doctors informed me of multiple diseases apart from cardiac related, I knew then that she wont last long. For seven dreadful days, I stood by her bed, while she dozed in coma, unaware of my presence.

I felt for the first time that Assagiolian egg diagram is all wrong, for he forgot to mention the space occupied in our 'self' by those whom we love. Their departure creates a vacuum within us which can never be occupied, reminding us from time to time of their 'once-existence' by those small things which we inevitably tend to associate with them : memory. Her demise reminded me of my own, for I have also to go one day, induction of love for life rather then the fear of death. Things are never going to be same again. I miserably accept that it is not the death of our loved ones which causes pain but it is the shattering of our mirage : that every thing is permanent. She taught me even with her death.

The quintessence of all religions : fear of death. Exploitation of humanity on the name of surviving in some other world, waiting for day of judgment, the vague desire of humanity, which even Godard moans in his film 'À bout de souffle' : 'I want to be immortal. '
If Michel Foucault is correct when he says ,'Man is an invention of recent date', then it may be also correct in finding the answers to all the curious questions of death, which is yet to happen, one must investigate the recent date itself. Simply put, the question of future can be answered in present.
But what if science wins over death, as it has always been put into effort by the means of alchemy. If it happens, I doubt, there would be any trace left of religion. The immortal man, I suppose, cannot be religious. But would it pose another threat, as in Kafkaesque 'Metamorphosis' Gregor Samsa wakes up from a nightmare finding himself being transformed into a giant beetle, causing a disgrace to his whole family, an outcast. The science made immortal man would be far different from what we are today, unlike Gregor Samsa, but very much like a giant beetle. Neither there would be any Nietzsche's Übermensch in this scientific expedition. Whatever there would be, I may not live to see it.

Her death struck the very roots within myself, which was unwittingly growing into such ideas of immortality. I feel that I am being lessoned in the most vital chapter with her sad demise : immortality can be achieved only by mortality. Just like, she will live within me, always & I am dead within her.

The boy born on August 13th 1980, turns 27 years old today.

My 25 Odd Observations Of Myself

2007-08-11T11:02:00.000+05:30

1. The way for me to live is to have no way.

2. People dying around reminds me of my own death. Rather, it makes my love for life stronger than to fear death.

3. I drag myself to the point where I don't condemn myself for my feelings, even when they are condemnatory.

4. I stutter when I am not in rhythm of myself.

5. I witness my breath when I lie down on my bed. It keeps me awake while I sleep.

6. When I see my mind, its purely gibberish & non-sense.

7. I cannot be more than what I am this moment.

8. If I have wings & I don't fly, the fault is all mine.

9. I expected those things from others that I never expected myself to do.

10. While talking to someone I feel like I am talking to myself.

11. There is always a difference in 'I should do', 'I want to do' & what 'I do'.

12. I thought that I know what is silence. I was stupid to have thought that.

13. When I sing I feel ecstasy. I forget myself when I sing. In other words, forgetting myself is ecstasy.

14. Boredom for me is getting tired of my thoughts.

15. I look into someone's eyes , I feel he is like me.

16. I think I know how to find 'it'. Stop looking for 'it'. I am not sure.

17. My opinions keeps on changing especially when they are about others.

18. When I say 'I disagree', I want to exhibit myself.

19. Mostly, the fault I see in others are all mine.

20. I feel lazy when I start making a list of 'things to do'.

21. I boast about the things which have occurred on their own.

22. I love. 'Who ?' is irrelevant.

23. When I say there is a God, am I not hiding my fear ?

24. I look stupid when I want to impress someone.

25. Are these statements a ploy to show my wisdom ?

My Chameleon Blog

2007-08-10T19:10:00.000+05:30

So, my blog changes its colors again. To tell the truth, I myself wasn't satisfied with the change that I had done in its appearance. I conducted a poll then, the result of which nearly equals ( see right ).
The poll itself says it all, the blogger himself isn't feeling good of what he has done.
I turn the colors and appearance back to normal again. I hope the voters who found the change was better, won't mind.

3 thoughts for 365 days

2007-08-07T19:20:00.000+05:30

1. Never read any health book, you may die of misprint.

2. Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

3. Let us swear, while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed.

On Friendship

2007-08-05T13:11:00.001+05:30

"Man is a civilized animal"- so pens Plato some twenty four centuries ago. Today on friendship day, when I sit back in my home, with my friend, I am forced to put this entry as a token of respect for this day. " Man Needs Friends". By mere coincidence, I happen to be reading these days the climax saga of an amiable friendship of three teenagers popularly known as Harry Potter series. The bond they exhibit is the one that we all yearn for from our infancy-the search of a friend.
The most unfortunate chapter in any human life would be of not having any friend. It simply would display the isolation of one's spirit in order to unveil the personal secret identity which is abandoned from the rest of the world. The only possible way to attain friendship is to recognize the realism of oneness with other. Friendship is nothing other than a mere quality which grants the human soul the very objective of its living.

I have heard of one Madam Blavatsky who used to throw flower seeds during her train journey so that they bloom into beautiful flowers. Once asked she said,'I want to make this world more beautiful'.

This is what I call friendship.
Happy Friendship day to all my readers. May this day never end.

dans la solitude de la mort

2007-07-29T13:25:00.000+05:30

For a few more

2007-07-24T12:49:00.000+05:30

A Layman's Effort : Remembrance

2007-07-14T20:02:00.000+05:30

When the spring comes, grass grows by itself.

Colors of Phoenix : Tushar Waghela Strikes Again

2007-07-08T12:50:00.000+05:30

In the month of monsoon when whole existence gets filled with the music of rain-drops, in a quite corner of his house an unknown mystical artist was busy with his colors & brushes. Tushar Waghela, one of the closest friend of mine, has revivified himself from the scars of sunburn which deliberately put all of us into unknown but painful dreaminess. His vibrant work, this time has appeared as a "Rainmaker", somehow autobiographically. Whats more important ? The art or the artist ? I say, when the artist itself becomes the art.

The colors of phoenix : -

( The Alchemist)

( The song of rainmaker)

( The Dream seller )

( The philosopher )

I often find a clumsy similarity in his work & me. If in some other life, which I trust I am not going to be born again, I happen to be an artist, I would definitely paint in the manner that he does. Its the song of rainmaker, listen closely.

To Be Or Not To Be ?

2007-06-25T20:01:00.000+05:30

Welcome, Amit

You are connected to 59,238,695 people through 119 friends.

This is what my Orkut home-page reads. Just looking at the numbers displayed anyone would trust that I am an ace person in making friendship. Well, its partially true. This figure simply suggests the number of people I am acquainted with in the virtual world.
The world that we all live in today is fragmented in two equally surviving entities : Virtual & Real. With the advent of cyberspace, along came such virtuality in our lives that we put ourselves distinctively into two separate identities, the pros & cons is yet to be manifested. For an instance, in Orkut itself I have found myself communicating to people who live steps away from my home & with whom my real communication remained infinitesimally small. But in the virtual we have chatted like old buddies. Interestingly, I own a taciturn friend in real world, who likes to maintain silence but in the virtual world his volubility is quite evident from his blog. He writes so many words that he may not be speaking that much in a year. Why to leave the odd, even I have been known to speak as less as possible but the readers of my blog may not agree with me on this (those who don't know me in person). This change of our personality is certainly evident in many ways when we swing from one world to another. We become someone else in the virtual world. All the friendship that we possess in the cyberspace is nothing more than digital, keeping us all connected with each others through Graham Bell's invention : Telephone. Even Marquez's One hundred years of solitude, in which gypsies come with new scientific discoveries to a forbidden village claiming them all to be some sort of magic from the farthest corner of earth, will fall behind this magical cyberspace. Even Dolly the sheep has never been cloned in this way as we clone ourselves in form of various usernames & passwords. Definitely not, this virtual world is no different than real world. Here also exist all sorts of sins which defies the human limit of its reliance on technology.

Hunter is being hunted ?
Our reliance on modern technology has went to such an extereme that we cannot think to move an inch without it. Ironically, even this blogger needs it to write such comments. Few years back due to some technical problem in main frame computer the whole eastern coast of North America went into dark for several hours, leading the life to make a sudden fullstop. There were no rails, no traffic lights, created such a havoc that it took atleast two days for the system to get normal.
Once watching discovery channel, I was duly informed by that electronic medium that US President possesses a red briefcase in which a computer is installed, having all the codes of US nuclear missiles. If some day the President wakes up with a heavy head, gone nuts, he can easily end the existence of humanity in just one click of button.
God Bless US President.

Digital love
Just few months back one of my friend left Orkut for some very awkward reasons. Someone used his photos in an effort to win females in some adult community. Though I managed to catch the culprit, I was shocked, that person has been known to me from quite a few time & he always personified himself as another re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu, never missing a single daily visit to temple. I inquired him why did he did this. His answer was more shocking, Aise hi. Similarly, while surfing along TV channels a few days back, I got hold by the news on some news channel about how a girl is being molested by his unknown Orkut friend. She was under the impression that the boy loved her. This digital love of her made her fall into deep pain.

No Ink, No Pen, No Paper
One of the worst consequence of dwelling so much in to virtual world has been, according to me, the ill effect on words. The words have gone digital now, filling the never-filling gap of dissimilarity in writing of two different people. Now, we all write alike. The effect: actual hand writing getting worse. Even this blogger is suffering with the same illness. My writing is getting worse. Unlike Mahatma Gandhi, who remained very depressed for his entire life about his bad handwriting, it does not concerns me much but still just to mention it, its really getting worse.
The books also have become digital, changing the long corridors of library into silicon chips, the inevitable conversion into e-books.

Coming back, does our existence in these two worlds necessary ? Worse : Is it moral ?

To be or not to be , thats the question.

My Favorites :-

2007-06-16T19:53:00.000+05:30

Here, I present a list of my favorite celluloids (blog provides a bigger space) along with the people off the screen & on the screen. To be mentioned, none of the list on the lower floor, are arranged in the order of preference. Also, I am providing the useful links below to ease out the readers for getting details.

Directors :-
Akira Kurosawa
Martin Scorsese
Woody Allen
Krzysztof Kieslowski
Ingmar Bergman
Roman Polanski
Jean-Luc-Godard
Stanley Kubrick
Blake Edwards
John Ford
Manoj Night Shyamlan
Quentin Tarantino
Michelangelo Antonioni
Bernardo Bertolucci
Federico Fellini
Pedro Almodovar
Mohsen Makhmalbaf
Satyajit Ray
Abbas Kiarostami
Francis Ford Coppola
Luis Bunuel
Frank Capra
Orson Welles
Guru Dutt
Vijay Anand
Gulzar
Vishal Bhardwaj

Movies :-
RAN
Safar e Ghandehar (Kandahar)
TEN
Citizen Kane
Casablanca
It happened one night
Silence of the lambs
Pulp fiction
Life of Brian
Maqbool
Pather panchali
Hable con ella (Talk to her)
Taxi Driver
Clockwork orange
The usual suspects
The Godfather
Three Colors : Bleu, Bialy, Rouge
Bande a part (Band of outsiders)
8 & 1/2
Guide
L, Avventura
Solyaris
Der Untergang
Annie Hall
Pink Panther (old)
The Sting
Requiem for a dream
Rear Window
The good, the bad & the ugly

Actors :-
Sir Anthony Hopkins as Dr. Lectar Hannibal in Silence of the lambs
Bruno Ganz as Adolf Hitler in Der Untergang
Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine in Casablanca
Clarke Gable as Peter Warne in It happened one night
Gregory Pack as Joe Bradley in Roman holiday
Clint Eastwood as Blondie in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Anthony Quinn as Alexis Zorba in Zorba The Greek
Henry Fonda as Juror in Twelve Angry Men
Forest Whitaker as Dada Idi Amin in Last king of Scotland
Marlon Brando as Don Corleone in The Godfather
Al Pacino as Michael Corleone in The Godfather 2
Ben Kingsley as M.K. Gandhi in Gandhi
Robert De Niro as Jake La Motta in The Raging Bull
Jack Nicholson as Randle McMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Peter Sellers as Group Captain (G/C) Lionel Mandrake/President Merkin Muffley/Dr. Strangelove in Dr. Strangelove
Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump in Forrest Gump
Paul Newman as Butch Cassidy in The Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Robert Redford as Johnny Hooker in The Sting
Javier Camara as Benigno in Talk To Her
Toshiro Mifune as Tajomaru in Rashomon
Christopher Reeve as superman in Superman
Sir Alec Guinness as Professor Marcus in The Lady Killers
George Scott as General Patton in Patton
Mike Myers as Shrek(voice) in Shrek
Cary Grant as Roger Thornhill in North by Northwest
Gary Cooper as Marshal Kane in High Noon
Dustin Hoffman as Raymond Babbit in The Rain Man
Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow in The Pirates of Carribean
Dev Anand as Raju in Guide
Amitabh Bachchan as Vijay Verma in Deewaar
Prithvi Raj Kapoor as Jalaluddin Mohd. Akbar in Mughal-e-Azam
Amjad Khan as Gabbar Singh in Sholay

Actresses:-
Audrey Hepburn as Princess Ann in Roman Holiday
Claudette Colbert as Elie Andrews in It Happened One Night
Meryl Streep as Karen Blixen in Out Of Africa
Marilyn Monroe as Sugarcane in Some Like It Hot
Bette Davis as Margo Chenning in All About Eve
Ingrid Bergman as Ila Lund in Casablanca
Linda Blair as Regan Teresa in The Exorcist
Vivian leigh as Scarlett in Gone With The Wind
Jodie Foster as Clarice Starling in Silence of The Lambs
Charlize Theron as Aileen in Monster
Katherine Hepburn as Christina in Guess who is coming to dinner ?
Nelofer Pazira as Nafas in Safar-e-Ghandehar (Kandahar)
Elisabeth Shue as Sera in Leaving Las Vegas
Hilary Swank as Brandon Teena in Boys Dont Cry
Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth 2 in The Queen
Ellen Burstyn as Sara GoldFarb in Requiem for a dream
Cecilia Roth as Manuela in Todo sobre mi made (All about my mother)
Isuzu Yamada as Lady Asaji Washizu in Kumonosu jo (Throne of blood)
Jean Seaberg as Patricia Franchini in A bout de souffle (Breathless)
Juliette Binoche as Julie Vignon in Trois Couleurs : Bleu
Judi Dench as Mrs Henderson in Mrs Henderson Presents
Sharon Stone as Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct
Madhubala as Anarkali in Mughal-e-Azam
Sharmila Tagore as Pushpa in Amar Prem
Hema Malini as Basanti in Sholay
Mina Kumari as Nargis in Pakeezah

So, here's the list of some memorable performance on & off the screen by both genders. Readers may not find some popular names but to be noted that the world of cinema has infinite stars in it. Many are yet to be discovered by me.

Adieu.

So near yet so far

2007-06-16T12:26:00.000+05:30

The announcement of results of PET & PMT in Chhattisgarh, as always, delivers a very awkward picture. The pupils of Bhilai have once again dominated the merit list (claiming nearly 50 seats in IIT this year), whereas Raipurians again have to put their faces in shadow, with only two students in the merit list.
The awkwardness, lies in the fact that both the cities though at a distance of only 35 kilometers but are poles apart when the assiduity of their youth are concerned. The yaksha question :- why ?

Albeit, Raipur is my native place, I was primarily schooled elsewhere, for my parents never felt that the town is a better place for education. For attaining my primary classes I had to reside in an alien place in Uttranchal, Ranikhet. Bhilai too, though for a short span of one year, became my educational refuge. The ambiance that town offers is very different from that of Raipur.

The Dissection
On analysis, of 'why' both near-by cities produces so different mentalities presents the whole socio-economic picture, which even can be applied to all popular system of thoughts.
Nehruvian dream of making India self-reliant in its industrial needs took a giant leap with the commencement of production of steel by Bhilai Steel Plant in 1959, with the help of India's faithful friend, Soviet Union. With this, a township area for its workers & officers also flourished near-by which later grew into the city of Bhilai. The Marxian proposition of work division for machine-cum-humans, eight hour work, eight hour rest, eight hour sleep became inevitably the mantra for this steel plant. This system of life also injected some neo-thoughts into the brains of its inhabitants. The more time passed, the more socialist Bhilai became. The division of residence according to their ranks in the plant viz HIG, MIG & LIG (Higher Income Group, Middle Income Group, Lower Income Group) helped this town to grow into a socially divided unit rather than caste divided, which unfortunately happened in most part of India. The education was also developed in such a way that the competitiveness can be pushed into child's mind from an early age since everything one can get in this town was by one's education. This engineering city to fulfill its own need was determined to produce some of the top notches of engineering products. In some way, this city became a metropolitan, for SAIL (Steel Authority Of India Ltd) deployed its officers & workers from all part of the country, to maintain a steady growth, though with time they familiarized themselves with local atmosphere. This congregation of best brains also led to make their descendants believe that books are the way to success.
All this, resulted in what we see today- the intelligent students of Bhilai.

Raipur, on the other hand, became more & more commercialized with the growth of Bhilai Steel Plant. Putting simply, Bhilai produced steel, Raipur sold it. The money started showering in to Raipur, inevitably leading it to follow a modern lavish lifestyle. To be mentioned, Raipur has always been the centre of political activities since the time of its being a part of central province. Still today, I assume that it is one of the most political cities of india.
The offshoot of all this money pouring in & political hot-pot resulted in a rather different development of youth mind. The political power & wealth became the primary target of majority of youth in this city. Though, these ambitions are not wrong in any way but the approach is. In Bhilai when a young man was dug deep into his books , the Raipur boy was staging a dharna for some political party or sitting in a shop selling consumer items.

The mere difference of 35 kms between both cities is like travelling into another world.
Both these cities are breeding the future of this state & nation.
Last night I saw a group of young boys fighting. On asking, they told me that they are passed-outs from high school.

So near we are, yet so far.

Garaj Baras : गरज बरस

2007-06-10T11:13:00.000+05:30

धा धा धा,
धू धू ,
पेड़ों को छू-छू ,
खिसियानी बिल्ली सी,
घूमते फिरे लू ।

I remember papa reciting these lines for me from an unknown poet, when I was merely three feet high, trying to squeeze myself in the comfort of his arm, saving myself from the warm summer wind 'loo'. These winds always seemed to me the warm breath coming out of nostrils of god, furious at us, the sinful human beings. The fury, the heat, the summer.

We, the mortals, have already survived through the scorching months of April & May, yet trying our best to live through June. Its the time for Monsoon to knock our doors, with thundering & showering black clouds. Its time for Antonio Vivaldi's summer euphony to end.

I've always been in love with the rainy season. For me, at this time, Isis ( Egyptian mother goddess) dances all around, showering rain, & providing a new liveliness to near-dying earth.

I join reknowned urdu poet Nida Fazli, of what he prays for the arrival of raining clouds, & making this planet once again vibrant.

गरज बरस प्यासी धरती पर,
फिर पानी दे मौला।

Funnily enough, I came back yesterday from a week long trip to two metros, Chennai & Mumbai, & it started raining at both places as soon as I left ( thats what I have been told on the phone). Now, is it a jest played on me by mother nature ?
I hope to see the rains soon. Just looked out of my window this morning & saw dense black clouds hovering over the sky. Yippee !

Photo Album : The Sleeping Beauty

2007-04-29T14:50:00.000+05:30

My one year old nephew Abhiraj. He may sound quiet while sleeping but I must assure that he can turn any normal ear to deafness by his shrieks.

All my love for him.

The Manchurian Candidates Of Dantewada

2007-04-26T12:49:00.000+05:30

The morning of 26th April brought with itself a shocking news scribbled on an esteemed daily news paper regarding naxalite activities in Dantewada district. The news said that Yelam (a maoist leader active in Abhujhmad) has announced a new program in which the pregnant women have to deliver their child in temporary camps under constant observation of medical specialists of Woman Revolutionary Organization so that these children can be made devoted fully for the maoist ideology.

This about to take place brainwash reminded me of Richard Condon's thriller novel "The Manchurian Candidate" in which the lead character is brainwashed to become an unwilling assassin of communist party. Thanks to Mr. Condon, this unfortunate event never takes place & the world is being saved. But how the Manchurian candidates of Dantewada will be stopped ?

Though, it's not at all a new thing that Yelam has programmed for it is being done from centuries to brainwash the child into some ideology as soon as they start breathing. The communist ideology albeit it's claim of being the one where religion is considered to be opium of masses & has always covered itself under the atheist cloak but still no less it's methodology is different from it's counterpart. Demented Friedrich Nietzsche has the right answer of this perplexity, for he moans that one should be aware of fighting the devil, there is every chance of becoming the devil itself in the end. Fairly enough, in this case, one has all right to decide which one is devil. I enjoy liberty of being in the middle where both are devil for me.

The disturbing news roots in the future when we will be surrounded by the brainwashed Maoists, their eyes soared by the ideology that has been fed into them when they weren't capable enough to oppose it. The only way for them is to accept it all meekly paving the path of their becoming fidayeens .

A very good friend of mine once wrote in his poem

All is well,
All is hell.

The Story Of Storyteller

2007-04-24T11:25:00.000+05:30

I got my hands on another of Tushar Waghela's painting : The Storyteller.
It came at the right time, I was really in need of a storyteller.

Notes To Myself : Interview with the first noble truth

2007-04-23T00:14:00.000+05:30

It all changed with the blink of eye, turning every thing in my world Topsy- turvy, upside down. The people on whom I rested my soul as an emotional hideaway, backed out. Friends became enemy & lovers converted their religion to haters. This wasn't a phenomenon occurring in a single day rather it progressed slowly to strangle my throat. It happened in weeks behind my back & I merrily was sipping the wine that illusion was offering me.
I put myself in the accused box this time. It was I who invited the bull by showing him a red cloth. Now, when the bull has hit me on my ass I cannot go on whining about being a matador. I chose to be the matador & the danger of hitting by the bull came uninvited.

Tonight, it seems that Gautam the Buddha himself stands in front of my weak eyes with the flowers of his four noble truths:- 1. Life means suffering Dukkha, 2. desires bring suffering Samudaya, 3. the cessation of suffering is attainable Nirodha 4. the path to cessation of suffering Magga.
I am only aware with the first flower that Buddha offers, Dukkha ( still has some guts remaining to call it flower ). The rest is all words for me, for my soul still creeps in the hollow depth of life where it's all very dark.
But still I can hear the voice coming out of Ghaib ( nowhere ), calling me for a giant leap towards Buddha's eighth noble path "Sammasati" where every thing submerges in the existence.

I apologies to myself since I am the one responsible to bring my self in such a state.

I salute you Diogenes ( the teacher of art of ignorance ) for giving me a hand at such a crucial time of my life when every hand took no time to depart.

My Most Preferred Art works

2007-04-06T12:58:00.000+05:30

I present here my most preferred art works, wherein I feel the need of making it clear that they are not in order of preference.

1) Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh

Starry night has always let me unveil the door of the world that is forbidden. It's the world of our inner self. Although, it's creator Vincent Van Gogh wasn't satisfied after it was completed. He thought that some thing else was to be done in this work which he couldn't able to. This, he confessed to his brother Theo in a letter.

This unusual work portrays a village & graveyard in the background while the tree in the front is uncommonly taller.
In my opinion the tree resembles human hand which is trying hard to touch the sky which is resembling infinity. For me, desires aren't infinite but there is always a desire of infinite. This desire is present in all of us in some or other form, some of us aware of this while some aren't. There has been from ages in humans a want to take a quantum leap from the world that we all see to the world that exist beyond this. Buddha's Nibbana was nothing other this quantum leap. The Vedic verses of "Mrityorma Amritam Gamay" (Take me from death to deathlessness) has been the desire of every human since the evolution of our breed.
It's expression has been one of the most difficult one since it goes beyond the words. Art in some extent has the strength to express.
For me, Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night has been the sutra of vedic verses.

2) Rembrandt's Philosopher In Meditation

What's human mind ? Rembrandt's Philosopher In Meditation answers it visually.
Philosophy & meditation, in my opinion cannot co-exist. Mediation starts where the philosophy ends. It's just like the difference between word & wordless.

I am in love with this work since it suggests to me the shape of human mind. In it a philosopher is sitting in a dark room with light coming only from window & stairs beside him go in puzzling way to up somewhere. This in perfect sense we are. Our mind functions in a puzzling way while we try to meditate on some affair ( though mediation only occurs when there is no affair). The stairs resembles the unending thought process of ours leading us to no where.

Rest is all dark.

3)Picasso's Guernica

Wow ! The one who believes in melancholy that ugly cant be beautiful must see this work of Picasso. Guernica is the painting by Picasso after the brutal bombing of the town of Guernica on April 26th 1937 during the Spanish civil war by Hitler's Luftwaffe killing almost 2000 people.

Following the theme it shows the brutality & violence portraying the after math of . The crushed skull & a soldier on the ground along with a horse injured by spear & a bull in panic shows us that when the sky is falling no one is spared.
Interestingly, Picasso also painted a flower growing out of the dead soldier's severed hands shattered by sword. In my opinion, he just wanted to tell us that the hands that can create, can also destroy.

What more attrocities can we do on our fellow human beings.
The dark back ground shows the silence after the destruction with a light bulb on the head of the horse depicting the hope of re-creation.
A woman, dumb-struck seeing blankly over the whole mess with astonishment depicting the mother nature of what we have done to ourselves.

Funnily, Picasso never expressed any views on this work & left it merely on every individual viewer.

4) Michelangelo's Pieta

Michelangelo's Pieta is one of those fews which unveiled the thick cover of egotism glued on my eyes & let out the saline water. I saw it placed beyond a glass cover in Vatican but at once I found it communicating with me.
Done on the tender age of 24 by Michelangelo, this work being the only on which he scribbled his name.

The statue shows Mary Holding Jesus right after his crucification, focusing right on the emotions of Mary. Her Motherly charm is vanishing with the holding of her son's dead body who has been punished for saying truth.

Mary is the mother. It reminds me of my own, while I trust that anyone seeing it would naturally be emphatic.

5) Tushar Waghela's Golden Buddha

Golden Buddha done by Tushar, an artist from Bhilai & more importantly a very good friend of mine, forced me to drive myself from the state of loquaciousness to taciturnity. I couldn't utter a word when I saw it for the first time while he was questioning me like Sherlock Holmes about how I felt for this work.

He painted Buddha in the color golden which has been for me the color of celebration. Buddha celebrating ? Thats what the tough job was. Buddha is considered to sitting meditatively under a tree but with the color golden Buddha seems to be breaking his image & dancing like Alexis Zorba. In the back ground he has painted various figure some of which human which in my opinion is nothing other than his depiction of human mind, while the Buddha super ceding the figures depicting the supervision of Buddha on his mind & transforming from Siddhartha Gautam to Gautam the Buddha.

Still the calmness on his face, for me, is very meditative. It's a communication that occurred between him & Mahakashaypa some twenty five centuries ago.

A work that snatched words from my tongue.

These are my five most preferred works ( not in order of preference). The views that I expressed on these works are entirely my own & can be objected by any one else. The reader has full liberty to disagree.

Notes To Myself :- Back To School

2007-04-05T00:51:00.000+05:30

After a series of disrupted thoughts I decided to degrade myself. I made up my mind to join University once again (I' ve been an Engineering student ). This time though on a totally different aspect of eduction : Arts.

It may be surprising when I call it my degradation but I have a reason for it. University has never given me anything. Not exactly, that I was unwilling to accept what it had to offer but the simple phenomenon of education never went down my throat. I have a different view towards learning, for learning has nothing to do with what we call eduction. Learning is an event happening only when the learner's mind is totally acceptable.

I rather chose to consume whatever that came in my way. I vagabonded my spirit across the realms of philosophy, psychology, history, literature, language & whatever it was possible to read ( even spent some time reading health & fitness magazine). I must confess here that I found virtually nothing in them. All the great authors & authoresses of human history had nothing to offer other than words. Words & words all around. I have seen it up to that extent that I assumed as if I have lost in the jungle of words.

Then why I am degrading my self. B'coz I have sold myself for the saline taste of university again which in return will grant me a degree.

Post Scrpit :- I would be highly obliged if any of the reader can send me links regarding admission in distance learning/correspondence courses by any respectable university.

Notes To Myself :- The within, The without

2007-04-04T16:38:00.000+05:30

Just day before yesterday, I saw a message blinking on my mobile phone as soon as I woke up from my after noon siesta. The message was from one of my very close person, alleging of some thing that I wouldn't even dream of. At first, I thought that its just a jest cracked upon me as a postmortem of 1st April (fools day) but with the passage of time & the increasing number of incoming messages I knew that the person is damn serious in alleging me.

Wow! the person knew me from at least one & half years & now accusing me of doing such thing that I hated most in my life. I don't blame the person rather I would blame the mentality that we all possess. To put trust on some one is one of the most difficult jobs for us. We just trust our own judgments whatever & in however shape they are. We judge others in a way that they always should fall inferior to us.

I am quite indifferent to the allegations. I cannot help it, since I never knew that one day I will also stand accused for the thing that throws dirt on all the wisdom (bigger or smaller, no matter) I have inculcated. For me, even to stand guarding my self against such things is shameful. I cannot go convincing anyone since the very idea of convincing others simply shows that deep down we aren't even convinced.

Then how I am going to defend ? Well, I will never. It's just like convincing some one that I am a human being a & not a devil. But the lesson that I have learned from this that we are enslaved by time. Time decides our feeling for other, time decides for us how to judge others, time decides for us when to hate & when not to. I am no more a slave of time. I don't judge others because I know I simple rule of life that my feet are not in their shoes.

It may put a impression that I am just forgiving the person for such thing. In fact, there is nothing to forgive. I am not that superior to forgive anyone but I am always capable of forgiving just myself. So I simply forgive myself.

Rest is absolutely perfect.

Notes To Myself : - We Lie To Ourselves

2007-03-25T12:15:00.000+05:30

Everything in this world comes with a price tag. We buy & get sold everyday on different prices, not compulsorily in the form of currency. The price varies in different forms, happening some time to be love, some time selfishness. I never considered this barter trade to be wrong. The wrongful in my eyes is the lie that we tell ourselves daily.

We start our day by performing the daily ritual of chanting in our minds that whatever we are, whoever we are, however we are, we are right. This illusionary righteousness that captures our persona makes us miles apart from what we truly are.

I have seen people in my life who are submerged in this so completely that they have actually forgotten who they are. I have met people claiming that they always speak truth, funnily this is one of their many lies. I have met people claiming to be living life on their condition, funnily this isn't true a single time as far as I have seen them living. Once I have been told of a boy's blog by a mutual friend that since the start of his blogging activity some two years ago he has vowed to himself that whatever he will enter into his blog will be perfectly true. Perfectly true ? I read his whole blog & I didn't found a single trace of truth other than his personal memoirs. Putting entries of memoirs into blog is truth ? I happened to talk to him once on the phone & found that he is still adamant on his vow.

We do something else & put ourselves in some other way in front of this world. George Bernard Shaw writes that all autobiographies are false. This indeed is a truth. How can we dare write truth about ourselves. Mostly we want respect for those things which even we dislike most in ourselves.

We talk about honesty & all the time we are dishonest. We talk about love & we have never lived a single moment in love other than falling in love with the opposite sex.

I don't consider myself apart from this category. I am too a dishonest person. I lie whenever I am on the verge of defending my secerts. May existence grant me courage.

Essays On India :- (A) (1) India & Freedom

2007-03-22T14:18:00.001+05:30

I am not quite sure whether the sun rays touched the soil of India on the dawn of August 15th 1947 with compliments but I am sure that every face in this ancient land woke up with a smile. It was the day when India, after years of wait, was free. Nehru’s tryst with destiny speech few hours before must have brought a sense of pride, which had lost thousands of years ago when the Macedonian feet leaded by Alexander crushed the miserable Indian soil. Since then India opened its arms to embrace all the invaders most of them though inundated themselves in the land of brown people. Freedom & power brings responsibility were Nehru’s word on the eve of India’s independence. We were free, we were to be responsible. But it should be left on the time frame that has to set by the historians that how India fought its way for being free. Freedom, the word which meant the world for us, should be ace bench mark. Were we really free then? Are we really free now? If the answer to both the questions are in affirmative then what was Rabindra Nath Tagore’s heaven of freedom in which he wanted his country to awake (Where the mind is without fear, Gitanjali). I don’t consider myself in any position to contradict the Nobel-Laureate. If freedom was only meant political then it made no difference at all to any common man. They were ruled by whites & now will be ruled by browns.

India has never been a country rather it has been a school of thought, a land which witnessed standing aloof & untouched the rise & fall of human civilizations across the world. India, indeed has been a journey commencing & concluding into infinite. It has always been a perfect balance between Adiguru Shankar Acharya’s beliefs of materialistic world being illusionary & Charvak’s claim of realism lying in the outer world. It is a land where the mind of people vary so diametrically within few miles that one can get confused of his whereabouts. But these variable thoughts made the base for the narrow walls between the common man. The blessing became the curse. In remedy of it India started looking towards its past & boasted it of being a golden age. For India, there was no golden age. Nikos Kazantzakis’s Alexis Zorba took a quantum leap & became a vulnerable mixture of De Sade & Von Sacher Mascho. The religion which reached a pinnacle in this country became a perfect example of suppression of people on the name of it. The freedom itself became the bondage. This can be best put in the words of Rabindra Nath Tagore “bearing the cost of music instrument & not knowing its use is the tragedy of life’s deafness”.

Freedom in every sense means immunity from all the bondages regardless of it being political, intellectual or spiritual. C.G Jung’s remark about addiction in every kind being bad is quite true not only to a single man but also mobs, parties & nations. But the ironical part of humanity is this that we try to engulf ourselves with all such thoughts in end make us slaves. India, I find every reason, to believe became the slaves of its own in the first place. We, the people of India are still fighting on such issues that as if we living in a Paleolithic age.

Essays On India :- (A)(2) Once a king now a pauper

2007-03-22T14:07:00.000+05:30

The farthest memory that I could recollect from my childhood of being told about India was that this country was once a “golden bird” (Sone Ki Chidiya). It was a wealthy nation once & poverty was nowhere. Plato’s utopian concept is commonly known here as “Satyug”, the golden age where no lived hand to mouth & truth prevailed everywhere. The contemporary India that stands in front us today presents an entirely opposite picture. In mythological terms we are right now living in Kalyug, the age of darkness where sins & insanities are at their extreme. As far as mythology is concerned this giant leap was inevitable & a part of the changing cycle. As far as logic is concerned we strangled ourselves in order to decay into a rotten & malodorous society.

Why this happened to one of the most ancient society in the world?
India always looked towards the religion for every solution. Religion in India maintained a very narrow verdict regarding the material world. Adi Shankara traveled all across the country, debating with priests of various sects, preaching his “Advaita” philosophy in which the material world is considered as an illusion & the inner world sole truth. His victory in debates all over India made him one of the most prestigious saint of all time, at least in India. He revived the Hinduism which was badly affected by Buddhism & Jainism. Hinduism once again became the prime factor in Indian mindset. Shankara’s philosophy “Jagat Mithya Brahma Satya” (World is an illusion, God is truth) became the common philosophy all across the nation. This led to a disaster. India turned itself away from the materialistic world. Every thing was to be renounced. “Sanyaas” reached at its pinnacle. If the world is an illusion then all the material things became useless. Karl Marx, in west, took the opposite turn. He claimed the spiritual affairs useless, terming the religion as the opium of mass. Matter, he considered the sole base of humanity. He was the western version of Charvaka, though penetrating deeper into the human mindset.

Life as such cannot be monotonous. Newton’s third law of motion “To every action there is an equal & opposite reaction” can also be put simply that if one end of a thing is true other end too is bound to be true. If the world according to Adi Shankara is an illusion then the God must also be an illusion. Like wise if according to Marx the God is false then the matter also must be false. If one pole of a magnet bears magnetism the other pole is bound to be magnetic yet in opposite nature. Both bear the same property equally & in opposite nature. But there lies a point exactly situated between both of them which is netural yet bears the property of both poles. If I put this into the words of Soren Kirkegaard’s Either/Or (though he may not agree) then Either God & world both are true in nature Or both are false. Adi Shankara or Marx cannot be accepted separately.

The monochrome life-style of India in which the material world is considered to be useless led India to poverty. Nearly 1/3 rd people of the society which comprises of 1/6 th of humanity are living hand to mouth. This was the fruits of the seeds that were sown centuries ago.
A few days back while sipping coffee in a coffee bar I heard a poor man shouting in the counter for his wages that was being denied by the manager. He was shouting at the top of his voice for mere Rs 40. Some college students sitting next to my table started making fun of him. The poor man didn’t left until he got his money. For majority of Indians few rupees have become the matter of life & death. The poor man, for me at least, is the result of all the stupid philosophies that India followed.

The society which was once a king now has become a pauper. Still the time is in our hand. The India which I dream of is rich not only from outside but also from inside. It is neither Carl Jung’s extrovert nor introvert personality traits but instead an ambivert.. India should be a perfect balance of matter & spirit. Adi shankar in its totality will bring nothing more than poverty & Marx in its totality will make us nothing more than a machine.
India has to decide.

Notes To Myself : Freedom Within Walls

2007-03-20T22:52:00.000+05:30

I've always found myself surrounded by situation where I remain aloof from the people meant to be with me for the whole life. This situation inevitably forced upon me for a simple reason of my constant guard of my self-prestige. I do not blame any one else as such since everyone of us made in manner that we are bound to act differently. As far as I see, nobody in this world is wrong, by most, they can be uninformed. Uninformed of the fact that the other is & being uninformed does not makes anyone at the wrong end.

Trying to be fixated, I would add that we are after all human beings which makes us susceptible of making errors. To err is human.

Prima facie, freedom never comes in cheap. I had fought all my life to maintain this freedom some time with my near ones, some time with myself. I always hated any imposed ideology as it was never mine nor I had cultivated it. In fact I am allergic to any kind of ideology. This made me to wage into an unannounced war. I've reacted some time sharply & some time silently in a feat to defend my self. Later on, I got used to it & now I enjoy when others try to school me in the ideology that they believe to be true unknowing of the fact that after all it's imposed.

Humorous Mark Twain writes in his auto biography one of the most golden words I ever came across. Regarding freedom he says that the only cost of freedom is loneliness. With the passage of time I found this to be correct. The more lonelier I got, the more free I was. But this loneliness does not mean the physical aloofness from the world that we live in. I don't what it was Twain but for me it simply is aloofness in total; mental, physical & spiritual. Funnily I experienced increasing attachment with the world with increasing aloofness. This may seem idiotic but it's not.

I live my life in my own temperament, trying my best to disallow it to stretch more than a single moment. Moment is the only life I live. Interestingly, others live to die, where as I live to live another moment.

Oscars : Dust Settled

2007-02-28T03:04:00.000+05:30

& the Oscars were announced on the early morning of 26th feb (IST). Though some disappointing turns took place at Kodak Theater this year but still I feel happy for Martin Scorsese. The man in fact deserved it years ago. Still, later the better, he walked with the golden statue, Peter O' Toole will have to wait for another of his life time to make it on the esteemed podium.

My some guesses were hit on the dot, Martin Scorsese, Helen Mirren & Forest Whittaker scored points for me. The biggest disappointment was the award for best picture going to The Departed. It's a good movie but reasonably not good enough to win the prize. I was adamant for Little Miss Sunshine for few reasons. First of all the humor in it. All the rest nominees were plots based on violence in some or the other way, including the queen ( & I give here the right to disagree to everyone). Little miss sunshine, on the other hand had such a subject that was capable enough to light the viewer. There is already enough violence around all of us & seeing that again on a cinematic view is the biggest folly that we tend to do again & again, including me. Little miss sunshine reminded me rather of Woodie Allen's Annie Hall, though both of them had different plot but were of a same idea.

Anyway. the osacars are announced leaving all the doors shut (being a true Indian I always vouch for a backdoor entry). Lets hope the Academy people retain their senses next year.

Battle For Oscar , Battle Field : Kodak Theater

2007-02-24T13:59:00.000+05:30

This night surely would be agonizing for all the nominees of the prestigious Academy Awards aka Oscar. Most of them would be rehearsing silently in their mind about the last minute act when their names would be announced as winner. Oh My God! is going to be the most common expression with an addition for women of pressing their cheeks with both hands & showing the disbelief ( although within their kitty parties they would have boasted a lot about it). For men, a show of sense of pride will be sufficient although during their way to the Kodak theaters they would be perspiring.
All in all, every one would be biting their nails & while some would be trying to recover from the extra dose of alcohol consumed a night before in an effort to ease off the tension.
One thing is sure, the winners are going to spend a good time in bed afterwards, obviously not alone.

My guesses are :-

best picture: little miss sunshine
best actor: forest whitaker
best actress: helen mirren/meryl streep
best supp. actor: edie murphie
best supp. actress: rinko kukuchi (babel)
best director : martin scorsese / inarritu for babel

To be mentioned I have already placed a bet upon Little Miss Sunshine for best picture against the one & only Amit bhaiya.
I am going to win...Amen !
But if I am going to loose then I may suffer a short term memory loss.

Camera Buff

2007-02-24T11:53:00.000+05:30

An idea flashed into my mind a few days back, thanks to Tushar, of making short films. He apparently did some during making promos for his work. Concept undecided I finally grabbed hold of the camera to shoot something.
Lets see where I end up with it. Definitely will I update my rare readers of it.

(3) Notes To Myself :- My Epitaph

2007-02-19T13:30:00.000+05:30

I hope for nothing.
I fear nothing.
I am free.

(2) Notes To Myself : An Added Chapter

2007-02-11T14:45:00.000+05:30

The inevitable parting with my sister took place on the morning of 9th Feb with her marriage with the prince charming Sachin a night before. She left in tears & forced mine too to come out which I deliberately hide within the walls of my eyes. She is off now to her own world, leaving only traces of childhood memories in my mind when I used to hit her & she used to run to papa for safety. She had always been the core of my family, a knot that tied all of us. I promised her once that I will make myself present on Rakhi every year wherever she is. This I am always going to keep.
I wish you all the best my sweet sister & until I take the last breath I will love you & keep looking after you.

Apart from this, a very intimate person to me told me a few days back that he has started sensing that the child within me is vibrant once again. He might have said so seeing my childish activities these days. This very thing I also sensed. But I must mention that it happened spontaneously & I have no hand in it. Perhaps, my very serious persona took a U-Turn turning me into a child. I am watching it these days being indifferent towards this suspicious change. A change that I feel is soon going to end, never letting me know what's coming next. The best part of this it is that I have stopped analyzing the life & started living it. I am no more describing the things in my mind but I have started feeling them. This spontaneity lead me to creation of myself by myself unrevealed yet what I am going to create. But unworried I am of the result yet enjoying the whole process. I couldn't have explained to my friend at that time since I myself was surprised of this change. Now things have started to settle down & I am slowly learning to live with this child within me. I laugh when others are getting surprised.
Unsure of everything except of the fact that this child will die with me.

(1) Notes To Myself :- The Kickoff

2007-02-02T10:56:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I finally managed to commence the production of my steel re-rolling mill, putting an end to the agonizing & tense days which will be always marked on me & myself. Thought the show wasn't celebrated since I found my self busy in preparation of my younger sister's marriage on the auspicious day of 8th Feb. but still I took my mother to push the button & set everything in motion. My mother whilst all along complained of lack of any Pooja activity but I kept myself unheard of it & came out with a quick reply that her presence alone makes the god's presence needless. All in all, I took my first step in industries (recently motivated by the film Guru) & I am trying my best to make it sure that the show does not ends here.

Also, keeping my vow aside I brought 23 books ( I vowed not to read again ), ordered nearly 10 more. Coming the across the irrelevance of word I promised myself to keep off from any reading material, including newspaper, but last evening while roaming across the streets of town & enjoying the pink autumn wind an idea flashed in to me. I decided to give up my vow & test the limit of extent of reading anything. While I am writing this post Kafka, Tagore, Buber, Kazantzakis & other poor fellow are waiting for me in my reading room with their arms fully stretched. If words are irrelevant then keeping away from them is also irrelevant. When I told this to an intimate friend of mine. He said," You are mad".
Well who isn't ?

Colours of Silence

2007-01-20T16:09:00.000+05:30

I seem to be on a hot seat these days, being portrayed & sketched by everyone.
Jokes apart, recently one of my dearest friend Tushar Waghela sketched & portrayed me.

This blur sketch of me is done by him on a canvas with a charcoal. What he later communicated me was that it’s an ‘old me’ when I was an innocent boy. His jest too was filled with love towards me. Though at the first sight it seems that I am a devil these days but I must clarify at this point that I was a devil always.

Sometime in my life I was forced to fall in the state of speechlessness. The first glance of my portrait was one of those moments. I cannot say how much I liked it, saying that much also would be a dishonor. I can only say that it’s the real me somewhere lost within the layers of my implemented identity. Tushar, on the other hand, following his playfulness, kept on asking me what I see in my portrait. He very well knew that I cannot answer. I am not even going to thank for this. “Thank You” is a very small word for all that he has done for me. The repayment is not possible. I must mention that he is allergic to oil but still he has painted the blank canvas capturing me with oil. The portrait finished at 4:30 a.m. & until then his hands were bleeding.
But when the words have started to pour out, I would go ahead, excusing my self by saying that this portrait is somewhat out of time frame. It will always remind me where I stand today or more specifically, at this moment.
Never would I like to remember the date of it, instead I would remind myself of myself by a glance of it.

Sartre once moaned "The other is hell".
I joyfully say "Not only other but 'I' too is hell".

Leaves Of Love

2007-01-06T15:22:00.000+05:30

चांदनी मे नहायी हुई,
रात के सन्नाटे को चीरती,
प्रेमी का प्रेयसी के
दरवाजे पर दस्तक,
एक अन्तराल एक मौन,
प्रेयसी की आवाज - 'कौन'
प्रेयसी की आवाज से प्रेमी का ह्रदय आलब्ध
निकले शब्द ,
मै ,
तेरा प्रेमी ,
जिसकी तुने राह तकी
फिर भी ना तेरी आँखे थकी
रह ना सका
चाह कर भी कुछ कह ना सका,
सुनकर तेरी पुकार
आ गया तेरे द्वार,
दोनो को प्यार है
दोनो का सारा संसार है।

फिर अन्तराल ,
फिर मौन,
बन्द दरवाजे से ही,
वह बोली,
प्रेम भले से सतरंग है,
किन्तु ये गली तंग है,
प्रेम अछुता आलिंगन है,
स्वतंत्र करता ये बंधन है,
इसलिये,
मेरे प्रेमी तुम हो नही सकते
प्रेम में दो हो नही सकते,
प्रेम मे तो सिर्फ एक,
तो,
जाऒ,
और उस एक को,
खोज के लाऒ,
तब फिर आना इस पार,
तब खुलेंगे मेरे द्वार।

शब्द ऐसे सुनकर,
खुद में खुद को बुनकर,
चल निकला वह,
चलते चलते,
उस एक को पाने की चाह में ,
भूल गया वह राह भी अपनी ,
सालो बीते ,
बीते कई वसंत ,
था वह अब भी असमंजस में,
दो को एक बनाऊ कैसे,
दोहराता अपने अंतस में,
हार कर एक दिन,
आखे मींचे,
बैठ गया एक पेड़ के नीचे ,
सारी ऊसने खोज बंद की ,
तभी अचानक ,
मौन में,
वही मिल गया,
जिसको पाने वह निकला था,
जिसमे सारा जीवन निकला था ।

था वह पूरा जागा ,
वापस भागा,
चमक रहीं थी आखे उसकी ,
मसतक भी,
फिर दरवाजे पर दस्तक दी,
फिर प्रेयसी की आवाज आई,
'कौन'
प्रेमी बोला ,
आज मै नही आया ,
आया है सावन प्रेम का ,
आई है नयी खुशबू ,
प्रेम की इस गली मे मैं नही ,
अब है सिर्फ तू ही तू,
सुनकर यह,
जैसे वीणा के तार हिल गये ,
सालो से बंद पडे ,
द्वार खुल गये ।

( जलालुद्दीन रूमी की छोटी किन्तु अत्यंत रहस्यवादी कहानी से प्रेरित )

I apologise dearly for the spelling mistakes. The blame though I would bestow upon my lack of knowledge of any other better software to write the above poem in hindi rather than lack of my lingual knowledge. I also, impart Tushar Waghela my gratitude without whose help posting my poems in hindi on my blog was quite out of question.

Practising The Art Of Ignorance

2007-01-03T11:20:00.000+05:30

कल
नंगे डायोजिनस को बुत के आगे ,
हाँथ फैलाते देखकर ,
रूककर,
मैने पूछा,
तू क्या कर रहा ह,ै
क्या बता रहा ह,ै
पत्थर के आगे हाँथ फैला रहा ह,ै
गहरी साँस लेकर ,
मुस्कुराकर उसने कहा -
मैं पागल हूँ ,
यह तुम सबका विश्वास है,
लेकिन पत्थर के आगे हाँथ फैलाना,
मेरे उपेक्षित होने कि कला,
का अभ्यास है ।

My New Year Resolutions

2006-12-31T21:13:00.000+05:30

Resolution no. 1

I am going to be good, behave good, act good, speak good, listen good. Everything I am going to do in the coming year will be noble. I swear.

Resolution no. 2

I am going to forget the resolution no. 1 as soon as possible.

Happy New Year ! Hoorah ! Yahoo !

It Was A Nightmare Being Saddam

2006-12-31T11:56:00.000+05:30

I am sitting on a long table with at least 10-12 people on my both sides. All of them are dressed up neatly. But the outfit that I am wearing is somewhat faded as if I have been forced to wear it from many days. I am in black outfit. The table that I am sharing with others is on a platform & is facing a huge crowd in hall. It’s quite high rush & some of them are even standing since there is no more place to sit. Below the platform, on my both sides are sitting two gentlemen, neatly dressed, looking like university professors & I feel that both of them are trying to avoid looking at me. Why ? I don’t know.

The man on the middle of the table stands up. The crowd’s murmur converts into silence. He is adjusting the microphone. He starts clearing his throat in lieu of saying something. Now after a brief pause he is saying something, looking at the audience. “Ladies & Gentlemen, Its my honour to preside over the debate which is going to start shortly on the question of Mr. Saddam Hussein’s death sentence. The Gentlemen sitting at the both ends of platform will debate over the mentioned matter, one of them will be for the topic & other obviously will be against it. Without taking any more of your precious time I announce the commence of this debate over the question of Mr. Hussein’s death sentence.” He looks at me while sitting down. Is he smiling? What’s this? Why is everyone looking at me? Oh god! What’s this going on? Am I Saddam Hussein? Yes I am.

I wipe my forehead’s sweat while the man on the right end stood up & walks towards the podium. He starts adjusting the microphone & now before speaking he is giving me a very nasty glance. With his glance filled with hatred, I can easily make out that he is going to support the death sentence of mine.

He is speaking now. “Ladies & Gentlemen, a warm welcome to you all. I will jump directly to the point without making any more waste of our precious time”. He points his finger at me & resumes again. “The man that we can all see sitting in the middle of table is Saddam Hussein. Mr Hussein over the decades became the example of violation of human rights. He never ever himself cared about the human life & now he sits between us keeping a little faith in his heart, which I must say that it’s of devil, that we all we pardon him for all the crimes against humanity which he committed & will take his words that they all were done for the sake of our nation. Let me give you a short list of his ruthless acts:-

1. Reprisal Against Dujail

On July 8, 1982, Saddam Hussein was visiting the town of Dujail (50 miles north of Baghdad) when a group of Dawa militants shot at his motorcade. In reprisal for this assassination attempt, the entire town was punished. More than 140 fighting-age men were apprehended and never heard from again. Approximately 1,500 other townspeople, including children, were rounded up and taken to prison, where many were tortured.

2. Anfal Campaign

Officially from February 23 to September 6, 1988 (but often thought to extend from March 1987 to May 1989), Saddam Hussein's regime carried out the Anfal (Arabic for "spoils") campaign against the large Kurdish population in northern Iraq. The purpose of the campaign was ostensibly to reassert Iraqi control over the area; however, the real goal was to permanently eliminate the Kurdish problem. The campaign consisted of eight stages of assault, where up to 200,000 Iraqi troops attacked the area, rounded up civilians, and razed villages. Hundreds of thousands of Kurds fled the area, yet it is estimated that up to 182,000 were killed during the Anfal campaign. Many people consider the Anfal campaign an attempt at genocide.

3. Chemical Weapons Against Kurds

As early as April 1987, the Iraqis used chemical weapons to remove Kurds from their villages in northern Iraq during the Anfal campaign. It is estimated that chemical weapons were used on approximately 40 Kurdish villages, with the largest of these attacks occurring on March 16, 1988 against the Kurdish town of Halabja. Approximately 5,000 women, men, and children died within days of the attacks. Long-term effects included permanent blindness, cancer, and birth defects. An estimated 10,000 lived, but live daily with the disfigurement and sicknesses from the chemical weapons.

4. Invasion of Kuwait

On August 2, 1990, Iraqi troops invaded the country of Kuwait. The invasion was induced by oil and a large war debt that Iraq owed Kuwait. The six-week, Persian Gulf War pushed Iraqi troops out of Kuwait in 1991. As the Iraqi troops retreated, they were ordered to light oil wells on fire. Over 700 oil wells were lit, burning over one billion barrels of oil and releasing dangerous pollutants into the air. Oil pipelines were also opened, releasing 10 million barrels of oil into the Gulf and tainting many water sources. The fires and the oil spill created a huge environmental disaster.

5. Shiite Uprising & the Marsh Arabs

At the end of the Persian Gulf War in 1991, southern Shiites and northern Kurds rebelled against Hussein's regime. In retaliation, Iraq brutally suppressed the uprising, killing thousands of Shiites in southern Iraq. As supposed punishment for supporting the Shiite rebellion in 1991, Saddam Hussein's regime killed thousands of Marsh Arabs, bulldozed their villages, and systematically ruined their way of life.

He again looks at me, his eyes filled with hatred after reading out all this from a piece of paper. I avoided his looks & looked towards the crowd & found nearly all of them with same emotion in their eyes too.

He continues, “Therefore, ladies & gentlemen, I advocate the death sentence following Mr. Hussein’s policy of an eye for any eye, a tooth for a tooth.

I will conclude hereby myself.

As soon as he sat down the man on the other side stood up & took the empty podium.

His voice is very frail. He will defend me.

“Ladies & gentlemen, my friend here presented you some of the facts & figures which showed Mr. Hussein’s inhumanity. I agree of him being inhuman & subside by the fact that he did all these atrocities but instead of sentencing him to death I would like to see him in Jail for the rest of his life. His death will make him a martyr & that’s what we should stop history to term him. We have already seen that since his arrest his supporters protested in a very violent way. I must thank my American friends here that at least they captured him though everyone in the worlds thought that they are after Mr. Laaden. But someone was needed for the sacrifice of the holy ritual in the war against terror. So, Mr Hussein is going to pay not only for himself but also for what Mr. Laaden did to world trade centre. By the way someone was telling me that the architect should be held for making such a weak structure. Anyway the building is down now & Mr Hussein is equally responslible for that. But still I am against sentencing him to death. The greatest war lord of the twenty-first century Mr George Bush is a dedicated son. He avenged his father. Mr Hussein’s greatest crime was that he never showed any respect to George Bush Sr. & hence it became the duty of the junior to avenge. This he did along with his best friend Mr Tony Blair. But it will create havoc if we hang Mr Hussein. The muslim community will take this verdict against them. The propaganda which will follow after the sentence will divide the rest of world into two poles. Therefore, I request the presiding gentleman to grant Mr Hussein pardon from the death sentence & let him rot for the rest of his life in Jail.

Suddenly, I found myself saying, “Iraq is nothing without me. For all your gentlemen’s kind informatiom I have been hanged yesterday. I tongue is already hanging”.

I woke up. What the fuck? I was dreaming & that too me being Saddam Hussein. What the nightmare it was to put myself in Saddam’s shoes. A very good friend of mine (who is more than a friend to me) once said that ten out of ten people are going to die in the end, then why be serious. Absolutely correct.

Aftermath: - Saddam Husein was hanged on the

dawn of 3oth Dec.The sentence was followed by bloody
demonstrations in which nearly 70 people were killed in
four different car bomb explosions in Baghdad & Najaf.

Happy New Year By the Way.
The figures of 5 top crimes commited by saddam comes from http://history1900s.about.com/od/saddamhussein/a/husseincrimes.htm

Tushar Wagela's Art : A Reportage On A Magnificent Artist

2006-12-29T21:11:00.000+05:30

Everyone tries to find a way of expressing that which yearns within us to come out. Something that gets collected within us in wait to get exploded though the ironical part is that one cannot possibly express all & everything. Putting myself scientifically I would simply explain my above said statement in the words of law of equilibrium thermodynamics that no machine can be ideal, one cannot get input & output equally. Humans are same in this regard. Expression of the whole is not possible. Still we find different mediums to do whatever that can be expressed. Few choose words in form of prose or poetry, few of us go for music & few of us use silence to say the unspeakable.

Tushar Wagela, an artist from Durg Chhattisgrah, also possesses a medium to express himself. His medium is canvas, brush & colours. He is a artist who paints what that cannot be summed up in words. I had an opportunity to see few of his works in the meantime. I was left speechless at the first sight of them. He paints like as if he has seen something beyond the world in which we live, a place where only reality dwells & majority of us avoid visiting there since none of us can deceive ourselves there. That very place is within us.

He is an artist with a piercing set of eyes capable enough to bring out the truth naked. Some of his work may put one in dilemma but I think that’s the best dimension of an art. One has to make out their own meaning & I trust all of them will be different. This forces me sometime to compare some of his work with a Zen story where the reader is left clueless.

Apart from three prime desires of human mind (sex, power & wealth) there is one more desire in each of us. Some of us do know about it & some of us don’t. In fact all of the desires points towards that one. It’s the desire to reach the point where we can inundate ourselves into infinite. Some of Tushar’s work namely, Daydreamer, Atheist Prophet, Freelance Dreamer, Conspiracy Of Red & Apple are of such kind. In his other work he paints nude figures namely Patangbaaz, Pussycat Catcher, Genome & Fury which resembles as if Diogenes himself came out of nowhere, singing that the whole world is my home, the whole world is my cloth.

All in all he has a gift to paint something that is captivating enough to hold one’s breath, even for a single second. The magic that he creates with his hands are phantasmagorical though in this case we aren’t bound to our mind. In reality he makes such an images which forces me to take a quantum leap from mind to no-mind.

Plaudits! Tushar Wagela.

Keep running your brush on the canvas.

To take a look at his work kindly log on to his web-page http://tusharwaghela.blogspot.com/

Pedro Almodóvar : A Filmaker With A Female Insight

2006-12-28T12:42:00.000+05:30

Pedro Almodóvar an artist whose every shot is like writing a poetry or running brush on the canvas, strikes back this year with his latest celluloid “Volver”. I saw the film last night & was again bound to fall in love with his work

Spain is a country where bull fighting is considered to be a mark of man-hood, Picasso’s art depicts the reality of life, Goya’s paintings showed people as they looked after a life of hard work. In such a country Pedro Almodóvar shows the power of woman in his film.

Almodóvar for me has always been a filmmaker who has a male body with a female insight. Most of the great filmmakers in history reflected the power & determination of man in their work, whether it is Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, Fellini’s 8 ½, Coppola’s Godfather or Scorsese’s Taxi Driver. Pedro Almodóvar stands aloof bringing in his films the courage of woman to deal with the life.

There is always a perfect balance of Yin & Yang in humans; an androgen tic quality. In Indian mythology we have depicted god as “Ardhnarishwar” (a god which is half female). Almodóvar is such a human being who knows this better half of his & tries to bring it very clearly in his work.

I saw his “Talk To Her”, “All About My Mother”, “Tie Me Up Tie Me Down”, “Live Flesh”, “Women On the Verge Of Nervous Breakdown” & now “Volver”. All of which a work of art, entirely based on female qualities (one may disagree including even Almodóvar).

He is like a wine, the older the better. I raise my hand in appreciation of “Volver” & wish him luck to stand again on the lauded podium with a statue of nude man with a sword.

I Gibber....

2006-12-26T20:36:00.000+05:30

I lost myself,
In a lauded path,
With an unchosen spree,
I lost ' I ',
Filled dust in my own eye,
But did I really lost myself,
I see I am sly,
I cannot comply,
No,
I really never lost myself,
How can I loose me ?
It was a caper so it choose me,
Just a bombast of mine,
With few lines in my hand,
Unchosen I stand,
boarded on a lem,
I may call this a poem.

Kota Bye-Election: The battle between David & Goliath

2006-12-09T12:41:00.001+05:30

The battle for Kota began with filing of Renu auntie’s nomination as an official congress candidate on 17th November in Bilaspur. This day was followed by hopeless & agonizing night of 16th when the situation was very unclear about the confirmation of auntie’s name as an official candidate.

As the news started pouring in from Delhi that night we were bound to be put under the impression that auntie’s name has been turned down. The reason been given was strange : since Kota traditionally was leaded by Brahmins so Congress's top think tanks thought it would send a wrong message to the voters of Uttar Pradesh (Election of U.P. are due next year). This news made the night of 16th very blur for all of us. Amit bhaiya's (Amit Jogi) reaction was obvious; he was feeling very uneasy about all this. I for the whole time (until I returned home at 3 A.M.) was furious about the stupid excuse for turning down auntie’s name. He nearly whispered, “It happens".

The next morning brought all the lost smiles with Amit bhaiya's call. How can I ever forget his words on phone ? He was nearly shouting, "You are still sleeping. Mummy's ticket has been confirmed. Start quickly for Bilaspur. I am already on way". These words changed the world for me. I fetched up the rest of the gang & rushed for Bilaspur. The two hour journey was filled with laughter & planning for the coming days. We all (Bunty bhaiya, Anuj Sharma & Sameer bhaiya) knew that the fight is going to very tough. The battle field Kota will be surrounded by BJP led govt's cannons. The fight was clear : Ajit Jogi vs State govt of Chattisgarh. On reaching Bilaspur we met Amit bhaiya in Congress Bhavan where he, along with aunty, was surrounded by huge crowd, showered with flowers & slogans. Akhil bhaiya welcomed us all at his place (his home, I must mention, is as charming as him). We all returned to Raipur that evening.

On 20th I again left for Bilaspur in the morning with all luggages which were enough to last me for two weeks. At Akhil bhaiya's place I met Amit bhaiya. He instructed me while walking to & fro in the room. I was to be stationed at Ratanpur, 20 kms from Bilaspur. Ratanpur, where the holy temple of Mahamaya devi is situated, from last few elections created a huge fall down for Congress. Last time BJP leaded by nearly 550 votes from Ratanpur. The message was clear: Win Ratanpur & Kota can be won easily. The responsibility on my shoulders was huge. It was quite obvious that Amit bhaiya wanted to place someone very trusted to that place. He chose me. I looked in his eyes. They were saying "Don’t let me down". I left him for my battle ground: Ratanpur. I was to meet Gudda Tiwari who was looking after our election campaign. The short journey of 20 kms was occupied by various thoughts. I started getting home-sick. But I had no time for it. The only thing that I wanted to think about was 4th December (polling day). My short journey came to an end as I reached Ratanpur & met Gudda Tiwari. He instantly started briefing me about the campaign in accordance to which he also took me to a near-by village Navagaon where the place for election campaign office was to be decided. The locals there were welcoming & I got the first impression of the voters i.e. friendly. It was getting dark so we left again for Ratanpur as soon as we told them all the important things. Gudda bhai kept on briefing me about the whole while we were on the way back. I told him, "Anyhow, we have to win Ratanpur."

The one thing that was disturbing me was the fact that youth of Ratanpur wasn't working for us. The youth in anyplace are alike & are far more energetic than any other. Next day I got the solution of it. Out of nowhere a young man Krishnakant Sharma appeared. This pundit-cum-journalist-cum-NSUI worker came to meet me while I was sipping tea sitting with Damodar (an old congress worker). He started telling about the problems of young guns in Ratanpur which led them to being inactive in the election campaign. He also introduced me to Sital Jaiswal, NSUI head for Ratanpur & Vimal Soni. The talk began. For most of the time I was on a listening bench. This trick I always use. Let the people talk so that whatever inside them can be released easily. I figured this from the memoirs of last viceroy of India in which he used to listen all the time & let the Indian leaders talk. The only thing that I could make out was that they also wanted preference. This is one of the most common known disease in humans: preference. I assured them that my presence will make sure of it. After an hour long chat I was able to make them agree (although I was only a listener). In evening I accompanied Shiv Deheriya Ji ( MLA) to inaugurate election campaign office In near-by village Ranigaon. It was only the 2nd office. More were to come.

Night time I kept for briefing Amit bhaiya. He instructed me to open election campaign office in every ward ( Ratanpur had 15 wards). I assured him that this will be done in next two days.

I am reminded of a Spanish proverb which says “Always surround your self with friends instead of fence”. The previous day’s talks brought fruitful result. Sital was ready with his friends to jump into the campaign. He initiated this with an idea of a motorcycle rally. Out of my surprise he gathered nearly 20 bikers, all of them shouting slogans & waving congress flags. He even invited me to be a part of it & so I rode with him triplets (three riders on a single bike). We roamed all across the streets of Ratanpur. It made me glad when the Sital’s entire friend came to meet, shaking my hand vigorously. This, definitely, was a start of new friendship.

The day went on with the openings of campaign offices; Things began to get hot in Ratanpur. It was for the first time that we were punching back our opponents & that too with force. We kept the evening time for opening of election campaign offices. That day, as per my promise made to Amit bhaiya, 5 offices were inaugurated by Shiv Deheriya Ji. I tried to keep myself behind the scene to make sure that local people & our workers can be in lime-light. That evening Pradeep Choubey Ji also joined us in Ratanpur. Pradeep uncle is a marvelous orator indeed. He spoke with such a force that even I maintained pin-drop silence.

On 19th with the opening of first election campaign office my father Shri Rajendra Tiwari Ji mesmerized the crowd with his oration. Apart from being my hero he is one of the best orator of hindi I have ever seen. In fact, I place him next to Osho. I love the way he plays with the words.

I saw huge gathering in our Head-Office as soon as I reached there the next morning. Shiv Deheriya ji along with Balram Thakur Ji (MLA) was busy instructing party workers.

I requested him to start our door to door campaign which he cordially accepted. We began it with the near by market Badi Bazaar. The direct conversation with the voters is the base of democracy. In India it is most important. One has to be skilled in the art of face reading while doing so. The door to door campaign lasted for nearly two hours. It was to be continued but the news came that Renu auntie is going to arrive shortly.

I saw Renu auntie after a long time. I still remember her face, filled with motherly charm, her voice filled with politeness. Sometime she reminded me of my own mother. But today her face was filled courage & determination. She was sun burnt. Her voice was very blur. The constant exertion clearly overtook her. When she saw me touching her feet she said, ‘Arey ! Beta tu bhi aa gaya ?’ (You also came?). I just nodded my head in affirmation. I wanted to tell her that it’s going to be week now since I am here. She left for election campaign.

The day ended with the openings of election campaign offices.
By the end of day, total of 16 such offices were inaugurated.

With the opening up of numerous campaign offices the election machinery was working at its fullest. Ratanpur, I must mention, is famous for the holy temple of Mahamaya Devi. Apart from this it is surrounded by many other temples. Karl Jaspers’s term Axial Age is still to come here where everything is subjected to be questioned instead of believing. I went to Shri Tiwari Ji’s home during my door to door campaign. He is an old man & a staunch RSS man. He, firstly, got surprised to me. It was beyond his expectation that I am going to visit him. The first words he told me were, “But I am going to vote for BJP”. I tried to relieve him by saying that I have’nt come here for vote but I have come for your blessing. I introduced my self. He replied grimly that he knows me & he has also heard that Amit Jogi has sent me to Ratanpur. I smiled on this.

I was trying hard to cover all the 15 wards by foot so that atleast I can reach to the majority of voters. Following my target I went to Anuragi Ji’s village (Former MP). I met there her daughter Tanya Anuragi Ji. I requested her on behalf on Amit Bhaiya to start campaign. She very modestly told me that she is going to start it next day.

With the instruction from the control room I stationed myself at a single ward. I chose ward no. 3 for this. Last time congress was defeated heavily from this ward. Ankit Bagbahra joined me too & we set off for door to door to campaign.

Although I was stationed at a particular ward but I took the liberty of campaigning door to door to door in every ward.

By the end of 3rd December I almost covered 13 wards.

The day of polling arrived. Bunty bhaiya along with Dr. Saibel Farishta, Deep Mishra & Ankit Bagbahara joined me in Ratanpur. We went to every polling booth.

I had returned to Raipur on the evening of 4th but again came back to join Amit bhaiya on the evening of 6th. We talked for half an hour & then I took his leave. The night was literally sleep-less. Next day the result was to come.

As soon as I switched on the TV to hear the news about the vote counting I got thrilled with excitement as I saw that we are leading by 2000 votes in the first round of counting. I ran to the room of Vijay Nijhavan Ji who was wiping himself with a towel. I told him the news & we all literally started dancing.

After an hour he came to my room to tell me the inside information.

We were leading by nearly 17000 votes by the end of 7th round of counting.

We all rushed to Amit bhaiya.

We won the Kota battle by 23470 votes. It was land-slide victory.

Ratanpur was won over by 3400 votes & ward no. 3 by 470 votes.

This was made possible by Ajit Uncle’s popularity & people’s love for him, Renu auntie’s simplicity & motherly charm, Amit bhaiya’s intelligence & management & last but not the least the hard work of each & every congressmen who fought against the ruthless system for all the time.

All’s well that ends well.

I have returned from Ratanpur but I know that the people & the place will always remain in my heart.

8 1/2 : Magic By Federico Fellini

2006-11-16T12:45:00.000+05:30

After a month long search I found 8 1/2 neatly placed in Amit Bhaiya's DVD closet( which I must add that it's the best collection I have seen yet, & all of them are going to be stolen by me ). He was the person responsible for arousing curiousity within me for the Film by placing it third in his top twenty list. Ta to him.

8 1/2 was a sheer delight to watch. A magic created by Fellini. Although he never wanted the film to be made as we all see it today. Originally, the script was based upon a writer but Fellini ended up making the film on a movie director. This was nothing other than his autobiographical account in which the director gets confused about the events revolving around him, leading him to fantasies, the problems of his married life, getting the movie underway proves challenging indeed,. Guido (lead character playing the director) is left clueless.The irony is this that there wasnt any film script for 8 1/2. The actors were given their lines each day morning, often verbally. Even Fellini wasnt sure about what he was going to make. This, he also admitted to his producer.All in all, the film started a trend which was to followed & copied by many.

A must watch film. Magical, indeed, none other by Federico Fellini.

Bhopalpatnam : Preparation Of Another Errabor

2006-11-14T12:45:00.000+05:30

The dust of Errabor is now settled in our memories. The bloody dawn of 17th july is long back forgotten. The blood stains are invisible from that unfortunate ground now. But still, the question still stands within all of us. What is being done to prevent another genocidal act like Errabor ?

The answer came in the most shocking way, when a group of nearly 20 elected people from Bhopalpatnam ( Dantewada) reached Raipur on 7th November in search of refuge & letting their voice reach the unaware ears of the capital. The truth that came out of them, which was quite impossible without courageous Jogi's help who stood alone yet with many against SJ, was enough to send shivers who were in the mindset of neglecting the happenings that are taking place in the southern most corners of this infant state. The talked freely about their abduction by the SPOs (special protection officers, locally they are better known as the guards of Salwa Judum) while they were on their to meet the C.O. in Dantewada regarding their pending Janpad work. They were then taken to SJ base camp where the humiliation & attrocities continued. All this was done just becuase of a simple reason that these elected representatives did'nt wanted SJ in their Bhopalpatnam block. The mention of the third degree torture on them by SJ was enough to remind me of some scenes from the film Schindeler's list. They were then released the next day with a clear warning of not telling all this to anyone or .....

This answer, I think, is enough.

We learn only this much from past that we dont learn anything from past. The continuance of SJ is making a clear path for another Errabor. Even if naxalites dont kill, SJ surely will. The natives are left there with only two choices : either be a naxalite or a SJ. But ironically SJ is licensed to kill if you are a naxalite ( that is understood ) or even if you are'nt a naxalite but not also SJ. Its quite understood that why these elected repesentatives from Bhopalpatnam took atleast 12 days to reach Raipur, not more than a day long journey. Nietzsche's princple " what does not kills me, make me stronger", seems to be applied on these representatives, who reached Raipur in hope of justice.

Are we all waiting for another Errabor?

Are we prepared to see a genocide, this time by SJ?

Are we making sure that ace human right, that is, Right To Exist, does exist in accordance with SJ?

Some Words Lost Within Me : A Prayer

2006-11-02T13:08:00.000+05:30

It is so cold,
It has always been,
Uncovered yet unseen.
In the of realm of eternity,
Through the self with undying pity,
I ploy to attain,
With a touch of pain
To reach you
O’ my lord, my master, my unseen shadow.
Take me unto that fold,
Where it’s not so cold.

This poem is inspired by the vedic verses "Mrityorma Amritam Gamay" ( Take me from death to deathlessness) where cold in the poem means death.

Terrorism !!!

2006-08-14T23:12:00.000+05:30

Just a few days back a very big & eye-catching news flashed everywhere round the globe.
A Fidayeen couple along with a baby were caught in Heathrow (London) when they were about to board the plane. After this, nearly 19 people were caught on this account & then a frightening information came out ; they were planning to explode nearly 10 planes on air ; another example of terrorism.

These terrorists were Islamic & now-a-days esp. after 9/11 extremist Islam & terrorism are going side by side.But, giving a glance to the world history or the current events, it is not so.
I R A is not Islamic.
LTTE is a hindu extremist organization.
Maoist in Nepal were not concerned to any religion.
My point is simply to point out those who are using the shoulders of Islam in order to carry out their fanaticism don’t belong to any religion.

Where the rest of world stands in the emergence of terrorism ?
Especially, the developed countries. Are they equally responsible in this violent act ?
What would one call the time-phase which is historically called as ‘cold-war.’ ?
If terrorism simply means an act of terrifying some one then I don’t think so that people were’nt terrified when both USA & Russia(FORMER USSR) were aiming at each other with missiles loaded with nukes.
If the time-phase of Cuba Missile Crisis is looked closely then I don’t imagine that people around the world were living merrily at that time.

Development of nuclear bombs led the rich nations to divert their attention from the conventional war-fare methods. Although, these nuclear bombs are worth millions but still they are not useful. This world cannot afford any more Hiroshima-Nagasaki.
It simply means that now nuclear bombs are meant only for threatening.
But since with the development of nukes these nations had also to carry burdens of the conventional war-fares methods, it started on a world scale sale of these old war-fare methods.
Now, the interesting part is this that all the countries are fighting the terrorists with the same guns that were previously made by these countries only & the terrorists are also using the same factory’s product.

Friedrich Nietzsche once said, ‘Insanity in individual is rare ; But in groups, parties & nations it is a rule .’

Just Few Words

2006-08-10T01:26:00.000+05:30

Today, was a very awkward day for me. Being the day on which Rakhi festival is celebrated nation wide I got unfortunate news of sad demise of one of my friends in a car crash. It took place last mid-night when he was enroute to Jagdalpur.

The whole day my mind was busy in gathering whatever scattered memories of his in the past few days.
What a strange life we live ? No one among is quite sure about his farewell from this world. By the evening my mind eased down a little bit with the help of some distractions.
I wonder how much time everyone is going to take to forget me after my demise. The nearer ones, the longer time.

I came back to my home in night & saw a poor man sitting at my doorsteps. After a little enquiry I came to know that the man has not eaten from two days. I gave him a note of 100 Rs & as I was about to leave my eyes got glued to his face. He was looking at that note as if he has got some kind of treasure.
That note meant food for him. Food, for which he was craving from two days.
This is, what I see, an urge to live. A thirst for life.

One sad demise followed by one’s longing to live.
Today was the day of end of one life in form of a very good man & the birth of new life in the eyes of that poor man.
This day is going to be remembered for a long time.

Is'nt It So ?

2006-07-31T20:05:00.000+05:30

Wow! The only word I could manage to say right now. Being a bit crazy. Yes I am.

I used to think myself falling into pieces untill I knew the blah-blah about myself. Right now the moment should have been very grim but alas ! it is not. Why not ? Never mind.

But I enjoyed the whole scene. Being a faithfull aprentice of the life; I concocted it all.

One may want to know what I am talking about. That's irrelevant. What I am right now is of value ( obviously, to me only ).

It's a beautiful life.

Is'nt it so ?

Errabor Massacre : Ugly Face Of Salwa Judum

2006-07-20T12:07:00.000+05:30

Yesterday will always be remembered as a black day in the history ofthis infant state. Last night the salwa judum relief camp was attackedby hundreds of armed naxalites killing almost 40 campers. Thedisturbing part is this that naxalites were literally dancing on theblood of those innocent tribals and there was'nt any security aroundto stop them.For me, Chief Minister Dr. Raman Singh is equally responsible for thismassacre. Without arranging any solid security for the campers thisattack was made easier and expected. The whole security of them is theresponsibility of the state govt and being the head of the govt DrSingh should immediately resign on the moral grounds.Salwa Judum which is translated as the path to peace has fallen apartwith this ruthless act. There is no relief in the relief camps itself.Errabore massacre has exposed the flaws in so called self-initiatedmovement of Salwa Judum.Solid measure has to be taken now to stop all this. If necessary,salwa judum should also be called off as this movement is now runningat the expense of innocent lives.

AT MY COST.....

2006-07-14T13:05:00.000+05:30

Life is like a school. I heard it many times but recently started living it.
Last evening also came like a lesson being taught to me. A lesson that was much awaited.
Last evening I learned that it is unfair always to be one of a caring nature. Unfair not with others but unfair with ourselves.
For me there is no line between a truth and a lie. In the words of G. E. Moore who is going to judge what is a truth and what is a lie. But in my own words whatever necessary to hear is a truth and what not is a lie. It's quite rational but for me it is true.
For me, any statement coming out of love is a truth and any statement coming out of hideousness is a lie.
If I put it in the words of Herbert Agar," The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear".
I would simply say that which is not prefered to be heard is a lie.
Or in the words of Oscar Wilde," Truth is rarely pure & never simple"
I always lived what I thought about truth and a lie.
But last evening taught me that it's not always good to live what you think. Simple but difficult to digest .
But this teaching has showed me a new way.
A way, to live on my own. Without concerning others but only to concern about myself.
And every time I witnessed such a concern I simultaneously saw a conversion of my own. Obviously in a good sense.
I am reminded Nietzsche once wrote," when one has much to put into them, a day has hundred of pockets".
Mr Nietzsche I have a lot to put so my day do have millions of pockets.
Every day is like a new phenomenon. That is waiting to teach me something and as an obedient and some what unethical student I am always prepared to learn.
Again I am reminded of my dear old and crazy Friedrich Nietzsche. He wrote," Out of life's school of war: what does not destroys me makes me stronger."
I would go a step further. What destroys me also, makes me stronger.

THE FULL MOON....

2006-07-11T20:40:00.000+05:30

Tonight is a different night. Tonight it's a full moon night. I saw the moon for a long time. But what I saw filled with an awkward feeling. I saw clouds started covering the moon. After a while it became impossible to see the moon. But I could still see the moonlight.
Is'nt our life the same. Whenever the moon within us is full , the clouds tend to cover it. Last night I was having an interesting conversation with one of my dear ones. For that person ecstasy and blissfulness are mere psychology of mind. I asked that person it would be good if u call sorrows, frustration and regression also psychology. It would be a fair game then.
But for most us sorrow is reality and happiness is a psychology. One may get surprised to know this but it's true.
We live in such a world where if a man who is crossing the road with a smile on face without any reason will be considered crazy by most of the passer bys but on the other hand if the same man is crying hard with loads of tears in his eyes; everyone will think that that guy is in sorrow and everyone will start showing their sympathy.
What a mad world this is, where smile is considered craziness and tears are shown sympathy and respect. Try it if you don't believe.
But I know one day the moon within us will come out of the cloud.
In the mean while the moon over my head has also come out of the clouds. And it's looking beautiful.
Is it good sign ? Let's see.

A THOUGHT ON ANNIVERSARY...

2006-07-09T12:08:00.000+05:30

Anniversaries. We celebrate our anniversaries. Birth anniversaries, marriage anniversaries and many of them. We make it an event of happiness. Happiness for one more year completed.
But should we really be happy?
Should'nt we be sorrowful that one more year of our life is passed and we did'nt achieved anything?
This may seem to be a pessimistic idea but this is true.
Looking back into our past one year may fill us with vainty but is'nt this vanity just a kind of consolation.
I don't know of other but I can only speak of myself.
One more year of my life has passed and still I can feel the same emptiness.
Every passing of year comes into the form of anniversary. This anniversy should remind us that our life is too short. We are one more step closer to our death now. So, the time is less. This less time can be made useful. Useful, in the sense that we can be more humane.
Yes, this little time we can devote to fill ourselves with love. To fill ourselves with compassion.
Gurdjieff used to say that it is not necessary that every human being has soul, but every human being has potentiality.
This potentiality can be used and used in good sense.
Every one of us are intelligent but I call those intelligents idiots who use is to make things like nuclear bombs and I call those intelligents wise who use it for the service of soul which eventually results in the service of humanity.
I never find reason for my happiness. Anniversary is a kind of reason for those who find themselves falling short when the question of happiness arises. For some eccentric like me, every day is an anniversary.
So, my dear the clock is ticking. It is in our hand what to be. Think and think deeply.

MY REBIRTH.....

2006-07-08T18:15:00.000+05:30

It was difficult. very difficult to die. But I had to if I wanted to be born again. Not physically but spiritually. Still the process is not over. But atleast something within me, which I used to despise has died. Still a long way to go.
G. I . Gurdjieff used to quote an old Russian saying that a hunchback can get straight only in his grave. One has to die to change.
And the process of my birth is going on. I sometime feel that this may be life long process. Let's see. And who cares?

CONFESSION OF A CONFUSEFD PERSON

2006-07-07T17:55:00.000+05:30

I know a person. That person is confused. confused b'coz he knows everything about life but does not lives. He simply cannot fit what he knows into what he lives. Shocking it may seem but it's true. From Socratese to Nietzsche , he knows everything. Almost used to read 4-5 books in a week. He loves Zen. He adores Jesus. He practised meditation. And above all, he loves Osho. But today that person is confused. He finds nothing practical in books. Life for him, is beyond philosophies and beautiful quotes. He still gets depressed when is being ignored although he knows about the Diogenesian art of being ignored. He still gets jealous although he knows it's wrong. He still becomes sorrowful although he knows about the zen teachings. I know why ? B'coz that person is living being. He is alive and the teachings are dead.
I know that person. That person is me.
Once again the spider has started weaving a new web. Once again I am trying to pave my own path.
Once again the light is fading and the lamp in my hand is about to loose it's light as the winds are blowing fiercely.
Once again the dance of the fate has begun.
I remember wittgenstein- that which cannot be said , must be passed over in silence.
The silence is already there.
He also said that that which can be shown cannot be said.
I go a step further. THAT WHICH CAN BE SEEN,CANNOT BE SAID.

I HAVE HEARD.....

2006-07-06T18:35:00.000+05:30

Nan-in a Zen master(1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full & then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow untill he no longer restrain himself. He said , " It is overfull. No more will go in. "
"Like this cup " Nan-in said," you are full of your own opinions & speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup ? "

THREE GOLDEN SUTRAS OF HAPPINESS

2006-07-01T11:55:00.000+05:30

1). Never give any reason to happiness. Happiness should be reasonless. Once we start to search the reason to be happy we make sure the vanishing of happiness when the reason is gone.

2). Never take anything in life seriously. Seriousness makes the life dull. Nothing in this existence is actually serious.

3). Never expect anything. Expectation alone brings reasons and seriousness. Life should be expectationless.

THE POWER OF YOUTH

2006-06-27T19:57:00.000+05:30

I am reminded of an anecdote of Swami Ramtirth. Once he was travelling in a ship to America. On boarding the ship he saw a very old man trying to learn japanese. Out of his surprise he asked that old man that what he's going to do by learning Japanese language at such an old age. The old man smiled back and replied that there is no age for learning anything. Swami Ramtirth wrote in his diary that night that,' I've met a young man today who was at least eighty years old'
I agree with Ramtirth. But I'll go a little further. For me, youth is not related to age but it is related to one's mind set.
Youth does not follows any one but he/she makes his/her own path. Youth understands the power of individual. Old age simply signifies blind following of any dogma. In India specially the youth has been crushed badly. Being an ancient country, India always looks for the solution of present in it's past. We try to solve all questions of life by simply looking into some ancient documents( shastras, purans). But we forget that life's reality does lies in past.
Youth, for me does not looks into past. It simply says let us solve this problem without any following of dogma.
The necessary quality of a youth's mind is quality of questioning. Youth always questions. I call Newton as youth who questioned one day that why apple falled down the tree. Why it did not went up ? His question lead him to answer and we all know that the answer was correct. And this quality of questioning is not relevant in the field of science only. Science simply means knowing. Science of outer thing can be called objective and science of inner things can be called subjective. So, questioning becomes necessary in science whether it is objective or subjective.
Old age never questions. One who is following anything blindly never cares to questions.
So, I'll say ask your self. Are you really a youth ?

FEELING SLEEPY....?

2006-06-27T14:47:00.000+05:30

Sleep. One of the most relieving act. We sleep to vanish our tiredness. We sleep to vanish our anxiety and tension. But do we really sleep ? A very dear person to me sleeps all the time. yes , all the time. For that person sleeping is a kind of entertainment. Another very dear person to me does not sleeps not even in the night time. For me, both of them are suffering from sleep disorder. If one is sleeping all the time, obviously the normal sleep time for that person is not enough. Is'nt it a sleep disorder then ?
Why are most of us suffering from sleep disorder ( yes, psychoanalysts says 90% of us ) ?. The reason is simple. We sleep while we are awake. Yes, we do all the things unconsciously. For an instance, we drive from home to office and we keep on thinking other things and we reach our office. We don't even concentrate what we are doing in present. Our mind is working in past and future thinking only. This kind of working of mind makes us unconscious. And unconscious working means sleep. And one who sleeps while being awake cannot sleep in night. Most of us function in this way.
So, my advice to those who are suffering from sleep disorder should try to improve their consciousness instead of trying tranquilizers.